Sensational Sunday Morning! It is an amazing day today! The air is crisp and clean, I sat at my window watching the sunrise this morning, it is just awesome this world God has given us!

Today and tomorrow are going to be whirlwind days! Tons to do and get done. I am excited to get it all done and then start settling into a routine.

Katie and Elizabeth in school~ Allen and I doing our thing during the day~ then all the after school stuff~ I am a creature of habit and look forward to getting back into our routine...

This coming weekend we are having a sleepover~ a painting party for Katie's room. She has picked fun colors and prints. Putting her room together is going to be fun!

While the big girls are working on the painting and such I will have a couple of little girls putting Elizabeth's room together. We aren't doing much in there but I have a couple of projects for the girls to do.

Then we are done with that sort of thing until Christmas...

*sigh* well I better get going~ lots to do today!

Kids are all asleep~ I was sitting here in the quiet thinking~

and my kids woke up...

Wow what a week!!!! We have had an amazing adventure getting moved~ I don't think any other move has been so much fun~

Here is what happened~ I found the perfect house, it was amazing. Put down a good faith deposit and then...

My credit didn't meet their expectations. We lost the house... But I had already given notice at the apartment... And I spent the rent money... And well... We still had to move!

So I had to scramble~ let me just say God is AWESOME!

First we went to look at this darling little place~ really was delightful. Had everything~ but 2 major drawbacks... 1. Cost~ the rent itself wasn't bad but then there was water, natural gas, garbage, electric, cable, phone, and on and on... So the $850 place was going to be more like $1,200.

Anyway we were leaving the cute house when I see a 4 Rent sign on this place. I stop~ 3 bedroom place for $700 a month? I'm thinking it is going to be pretty bad. We see it and WOW it's kinda cute. Not as nice as some we looked at but we also looked at worse that cost more. Called the number and walla~ we have home. BUT...

The problem was we wouldn't get the keys to the new house until the day we were s'pose to be out of the apartment.

Well... We did it. I moved everything to my sons garage and then after we got the keys we moved the stuff to the new place.

I'll write more later..

Moving~

I hate moving~ even though it is a good thing and we are getting into a bigger nicer place~ I hate moving.

I hate packing, I hate arrainging turn ons and shut offs for all the household stuff, I hate trying to get everything done and I mostly hate having to do it all alone...

I realized something as I was packing today~ I really want to find a place where I can raise my kids and never have to move again. The place we are moving to isn't that place. It is a lot better than the apartment, but it isn't a "forever" raise my babies in it house.

I really want a forever, raise my babies in it, house. A nice gentle 3 bedroom house with a white picket fence...

Oh well... until then reality is we have a decent enough 3 bedroom that will take care of our needs for now and we will be settled in there hopefully tomorrow night.

Report Cards, Court Dates, and other such stuff

What a week!

It has been a very busy and eventful week!

Custody hearing went good~ Katie is home, I have her enrolled in school, she has started a couple of different activities (Job's Daughters and Youth Group at church), and although she misses her Daddy a lot, she is settling in here well.Now if I can just get her to stop trying to be the boss of everything in her life. Her counseling doesn't start for a couple of weeks yet. But she is certainly going to need A LOT of it to get through this and become the most amazing young woman she can be. She is one messed up little girl with all that has happened in her life~ I am sure that with counseling she is going to understand things happening with her much better.

House search has been up and down and up and down and up and down... we are suppose to be out of this apartment in just a few days and I still haven't found us a house to live in. I feel extra stupid for putting in my notice before we had signed papers on the other house :( I was just sooo sure we were getting it. We are packing, things are coming together in that department. I know with a full blown effort we can have it all done in less than a day~ packing and moving.

But I have a couple of lines out on a couple of other houses and hopefully one of them comes through. One in particular is just so darling and cute. I really want it. It even has a picket fence. Not white but paint is cheap :) It is the second nicest house I have looked at in the last 2 months. The first nicest is the one we thought we were getting and didn't get :( There is another that is a little shabby on the exterior but the inside is to die for. Hardwood floors, built ins, tons of closets and storage space, a big basement, a breakfast nook and a diningroom... We will have to wait and see what happens. I am trusting God that He will provide us with just the right home.

Report Card, parent teacher conference day was yesterday for Elizabeth. They don't give traditional A, B, C grades in our elementary school instead it is (1) Below Grade Level (2) Approaching Grade Level and (3) At or Above Grade Level. Her reading standards are all 3's. Writting is 2's except for neatness. Listening Standards (thats actually following written instructions) is a 3 and then Math Standards... they test for 10 areas. She got two 3's, five 2's and then 3 1's. So Math is really a need to focus on along with her writting neater. Accademically she is really doing well. She is a smart girl and I am really proud of her.

But then there is behavior~ I have another little social butterfly. It is so funny~ I actually pulled some of the kids report cards last night to look. Every single one of my 5 in school kids had mark downs for talking and not working independently. Even Joshua had a couple of times where it was just Satisfactory instead of Excellent.

Allen went to the doctor for his check up after his bout of flu and secondary infections. He is all better. Ears looked good, lungs sounded great and of course all flu symptoms were long gone. He is 22 pounds of healthy boy.

Over all life is pretty darn good~

Wonderful Day!

After spending the last couple of days somewhat melancholy, knowing my Mom's birthday was coming and missing her a lot~

I woke up this morning in a great mood! I still miss her~ but there was a calm, a feeling like she is here with us on her birthday, spending the day with us as we go about our business...

Katie was up bright and early frosting the cake she baked yesterday and then carefully counted out 63 candles and stuck them in her masterpiece. This afternoon we will have cake and milk for Grandma's birthday. This feeling that she is with us really has me feeling ok today.

So the kids and I are going to look at a house this morning, I have a parent teacher conference for my Lizzard this afternoon, then we are having a little birthday party for Grandma, dinner and then Youth Group for Katie. Speaking of...

Katie did Job's Daughters last night~ she enjoyed herself and will be petitioning. I am really happy for her. She will be learning a lot in the next few years with the involvement, not to mention that it is a group that will instill good manners and behaviors in her. It is great that so many things came together to make her transition back home really easy and to have so much support in place to pick up and help her.

I know her Dad loves her and was trying to do his best for her... I think that at times it is so easy to get stuck in one way of thinking and forget there are other ways to look at a situation. I know that for my Ex, he really has a tough time with acknowledging things have changed. He will fight the change and pretend it isn't happening. So when our daughter started into true adolecents, he just couldn't adjust his thinking to accomadiate her changing needs.

My prayer for him is that he realizes just how important he is in the life of both of our children and stop punishing them for loving their mother. It hurts the kids so much when he refuses to talk to them because they have chosen a relationship with me.

Well time for us to get going~ a house a house a house YAY!

My Mommy's birthday would have been tomorrow (Nov. 19th)...

I miss that lady so very much! I catch myself thinking little things during the day, things that are fairly simple but really impact my day... I realize how little mundane things can truly make a difference in our lives.

Well I just wanted to make sure, if she is able to watch over me and see what is going on, I love you Mom and Miss You!

Good Morning Dear Readers! I am sitting here this morning just so happy I could burst and in a bit of an odd twist also experiencing some sadness and sorrow.

I officially got physical custody of my daughter yesterday! I am so excited to actually have her "officially" in my custody now. Her father will have alot of visits, but her day to day life will be with me. This is like the MOST amazing thing... I have waited and waited for this day, had begun to believe that it would never come. But God is AMAZING and He took care of us.

Life is at one of those AMAZING points... We are moving out of the little apartment, into a house again, we have a car again, we have everything in life we need. Certainly there are some "wants" we are still lacking... but all of our needs have been met.

My daughter is enrolled in high school~ assessment tests show how far behind she is. But with lots of support from the school we should have her all caught up by April. She knows it is going to be a lot of work and buckled right down with her first assignement and got started.

So I now have at home 4 of my children full time and 1 part time. The only one missing from the fold is my oldest. My heart grieves over the choices he has made in his life. I can only hope and pray that when he is released from prison this time that he will make better choices. And if he choses not too, well then I will have to keep him at a distance to protect the other children. It isn't easy being a parent to a child with a serious mental health condition AND with a history of drug problems and violence.

His birthday is on Friday~ my first born will be 24 years old. How did that happen? I swear it feels like it was just a few weeks ago he was the size of my little Allen, a babe in arms. Yet here he is 24... Both of Allen's big brothers are 24 and poor little guy isn't able to know either of them...

That is part of my sadness... my son and his choices...

The other is my Mom... her birthday is tomorrow. She would be 63 years old November 19th. I miss her so very much. There are days when it is easier... days when it is harder. Her birthday is tough. Birthdays in my family have always been special celebrations. We will miss this celebration...

Then there is Thanksgiving coming. Again my Mom will not be with us. Have I ever mentioned I really do not like pumpkin pie? There is something about pumpkin pie that to me is just nasty. So I never learned to cook one properly. Our family tradition has been for YEARS~ I cook all of thanksgiving dinner with the exception of the pumpkin pie.

Now my Mom could barely boil water without burning it. She cooked "good enough" to keep us from starving, but she was never really a cook. But that woman could make the most amazing pumpkin pies! My kids adored them. She made pumpkin pies and pumpkin custard every year. It was her "thing".

This year there is none of Grandma's Pumpkin Pie... I am sad... we are going to do a little different holiday tradition this year to compensate for the sorrow at the lost traditions from Grandma's death... but I am sad and I am missing my Mom a LOT right now.

It was silly, yesterday I actually cried a little when I realized I had thought, gotta get home to tell Mom I finally got custody of Katie back, and of course Mom isn't there to go tell. I choked back the tears and hope that she is able to see... I know it would make her so happy to see that I followed through and did what needed to be done and didn't just give in to my Ex's stupidity...

Well I better go now... life is BUSY!

Interesting Conversation~

I met with the mediator regarding my daughter and where she is going to live~ it was rather interesting... she had talked to my daughter and to my ex prior to speaking with me.

There was quite a few things that we discussed, but the part that I found interesting...

I told her that my Ex had talked our daughter into thinking the move would be like being in DisneyLand~ heck he even has had her doing tons of stuff like sailing lessons, surfing lessons, and so on... and she really has enjoyed these things and had fun doing them. The mediator confirmed that both my daughter and Ex had talked about these things.

I then asked the mediator, why if it is DisneyLand like, does our daughter want to live with me? I don't take vacations like her dad, we don't go anywhere "fun" and exciting, no sailing or surfing lessons...

Life around my house is pretty boring in contrast~ we take trips to the park, we go play soccer together, take walks along the river, hang out at home doing crafts, hang out cooking...

There is the key~ while my Ex keeps my daughter busy taking all these lessons, they are things she is doing on her own. Where as activities at my house are "family" things... we are together. I don't pawn her off on who ever will take her. In fact often I am talking her out of not going with this friend or that friend and having her come up with family centered things we can do.

I guess because I have lived without her, I learned to cherish every moment I have with her and with my kids that I have 24/7. I realize that each moment of their childhood is a moment to hang on to and enjoy.

The mediator and I talked about some of the reasons my daughter wants to live with me instead of her father...

Bottom line, even though she loves both of us, when it comes down to it, I spend the QUALITY time with her doing quality things. My boring everyday life is all about my kids. They all know it and thrive on it.

What an amazing week it has been...

Our drama still isn't over, but things are getting there...

I have my Katie! I have actually had her with me for 2 weeks already. Sometimes things just happen that are AMAZING and GOOD! It has been such a joy to have her home where she belongs. I have a lot of work to do with her to get her emotionally stable again, to get her caught up with school, and adjust to the new situation living with me and not her Dad.

It is going to be a long road of adjustment for her. Going from a 6 figure income with her Dad to my much lower income so there aren't all the "extras" like Starbucks every day before school, shopping at Aeropostle or Hollisters, getting new $80 shoes every 3 months... She knows that I can't afford all that. But even though she knows, it is a lot of adjustment to make.

And then the fights...

I want to pull my hair out some times... Katie pushes Elizabeth's buttons, Elizabeth pushes Katie's buttons, they pick on eachother, get eachother screaming or whining, and it drives me NUTZ! Both girls are having to readjust the positions they have with Mom. Elizabeth has had my attention almost exclusivly~ even with the birth of Allen, she still had a lot of attention since I could hold him and do stuff with her still.

With Katie home, it is different for Elizabeth. There is this other big kid fighting for my attention too. And since for Katie, the only way she has really had attention is from misbehaving, guess what we get a LOT of? I am really working at the "catching her being good" stuff and rewarding positive behavior in ways that Katie will respond too. It is going to take time...

Well right now we have to get to the Parade... Elizabeth is walking with her Girl Scout Troop... then off to lunch with a friend and the girls and then home to get some more packing done.

Activities and Such

It has been a busy weekend~

Friday my family and I headed off to Reno for a day of shopping and fun. We hit some great stores and came away with some awesome finds. Allen got a fun little outfit that had the shirt, pants and little jacket for $3, Elizabeth came away with 2 pair of jeans for under $5 for both, Katie cost a little more but got herself a pair of skinny jeans for $6, Joshua even found a couple of things. Grand total spent on our shopping spree $56. I got a great oil burner that is really pretty for $1 on clearance and a straightening iron for Katie for $4. We definately got some great bargains.

After shopping we headed to King Buffet for dinner... For 6 of us it was only $52. Not bad~ the buffet had all sorts of good things on it. The kids all tried octopus. I laughed so hard at Joshua~ he says, as he is chocking down the octipus. "Have you ever chewed on old rubber bands?" This was his idea of what his octipus tasted like. I passed on trying it :)

After dinner we headed over to GSR for outdoor fun~ we climbed into racecars and raced eachother~ what a blast we had! We were going to do the swing... but Katie chickened out... It would have been one of those terrifyingly FUN things to do... maybe next time!

We finished racing the second go around and then headed over to the strip~ CircusCircus was the yell of the children. So to the CircusCircus Midway we went~ Lots of fun there! The kids came away with a bag full of goodies for just a few dollars.

Finally it was time to head home~ Amazing! My car took all of a quarter of a tank of gas for the trip!We laughed and played and had a wonderful day!

My niece has left *sad face*~ she is back home, her part of the WalMart remodel being over with. I am going to miss the girl being around all the time. She is an amazing girl and I feel so blessed getting to spend so much time with eachother...

The rest of the weekend has been the same sort of flurry of activity~ Took the kids up to Eagle Lake today. We had great fun on that adventure~ I will write more soon but right now I am feeling myself fading...

It has been a long weekend and I am tired....

Random Wanders of Thoughts

Hullo Dear Readers! What a week! Kids have kept me BUSY! A mostly good busy :)

There have been a few negatives~ but nothing too bad. It has actually been good in an odd sort of way~ I got to really see how much I have changed over the last few years.

My son pointed out, where once in a similar situation I would be yelling, screaming, and having a hissy fit in front of everyone~ this time I was composed, my voice only raised a mild octave, and I was coherent and making sense. Pretty cool that the tools I have learned the last few years to act appropriately in situations are actually being used and working~

So although the negative experiences this last week were really a pita~ at the same time it was a positive for me to be able to see just how far I have come.

For me though, one of the crowning moments of this last week came from my 18 year old.

For those who don't know, we were estranged from eachother for about two years. He rarely came to visits with me. At the time I knew he was being filled with garbage from his father. I knew that I was always presented as a psycho crazy women who didn't love them. Hell when our son was 2 years old his dad laughed when he had taught the child to call me a bitch.

A couple of years ago, there was a turn in my son's and my relationship. The kids dad had a drug overdose of a prescription medication. Our daughter found her dad unresponsive in his bed. The kids called an ambulance and then me.

I had before me a most amazing opportunity~ I could have gotten custody of the kids right then and there. But I didn't do it~ both of my babies were so scared their Daddy was going to die. They begged me not to do anything to hurt him. And so... I just kept the kids with me until he was out of the hospital and feeling better and let them go back to live with him. No fighting, no stupidity... just doing the right thing in the situation.

Well that experience showed my son that although his father said certain things, he had conflicting information that he got to observe first hand. So then later when his father was telling him that I was trying to take them away from him just for the child support... well my son was able to see... that was not the case. And so we began a new stage in our relationship. He has come to my house almost daily since the start of summer. He has his own place and his own life, yet he still makes time to pop in and see his Mom. It is amazing!

So there was a conflict between the kids dad and myself this last week~ there was my son~ standing up to his dad~ DEFENDING me! How cool is that? It truly was one of the most awesome experiences I have had as a Mother :) My son has seen through the lies his father has told, all of his father's attempts to seperate my children from me, all the games his dad has played... he stood there, called him on it, and tried to tell his father that he should look at things in a different way.

Of course, my Ex being my Ex just refused to see any of it... he has some issues that really need to be dealt with in a theraputic setting. He is a vengful person with some really serious black and white thinking. I already know that sometime in the next week I will have CPS at my door because he has called them on me for some craziness.

One of the reasons I had stopped trying to get equal time with our daughter is because EVERY time there was something going on with court, my Ex had CPS at my door. The calls were all unfounded, but I still had to deal with it and it was frustrating. I wanted and needed a period of peace in my life...

Yet even when I stopped fighting with him over time with the kids, he played the head games. He decided if/when I could have visits with our daughter, even though our orders were specific. He flat told me that if I didn't like it take him back to court... anything to cause a fight. He couldn't just let me have her when the orders said and let there be peace for all of us. It is like he needs the conflict to survive.

So we are headed back to court... that is the negative at the moment... the positive is that I have my baby girl with me and she is doing great! I love her so much and it has been so amazing to have her home with me, home where she belongs!