All I can say tonight is may the man ROT IN HELL... I will do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING I can to ensure that the man gets absolutely the longest sentance possible for the crimes he has committed.

I am HORRIFIED at the level of depravity that he stooped to and once more FULLY horrified that his wife did not IMMEDIATELY turn him in to authorities...

Today was the first time I actually saw what he had done, had to look at some of the evidence... and I am nuaseated and just so over the top ANGRY and HURT and....

It may not be Godly... but I wish the man was dead!

How am I going to tell my son? How?

Grab your Coffee

and come join me this morning!

The girl child and I have started off the morning with a scrumptious omlette, filled with diced tomatoes, avacado, ham, and a TON of cheddar and jack cheese. Absolutely YUM YUM YUM! Some toast and a tall glass of milk made it even better....

Over breakfast, little bear and I got to talking...

She and I are making plans for our move and she is very excited to make a new start somewhere new. We went online and looked at some of the stuff around where we will be moving. She was so excited to see that there is a zoo and aquarium and the ocean and all that sort of stuff close to where we will be.

It was kind of funny, I had to bring up some pictures and videos of freeways and busy city streets for her to see. We are such small town girls that she really had no idea what the "city" would be like. My best friend reminded me that the area we will be in, at least at first, is more rural~ lots of farm land around. But still it is bigger than where we live in "town".

Anyway, liitle bear and I were talking about all this. My very practicle little girl tells me that we can't go to the zoo every day so what else is there to do?

We found out there is a Y very near the area we will be consentrating on moving to. There are also 2 parks within a short distance. ROFL and did you know... we will be shopping at the Piggly Wiggly :) How funny is that!

Anyway, the girl and I are both excited this morning about getting everything ready to go on our trip and then hopefully moving~ this is going to be an amazing adventure!

Sensational Sunday Morning!

I'm telling you, life doesn't get much better than what it is right now~


Planning out my trip for next month with my best friend~ how cool is it going to be to spend a week with her and look for a place to live and have all that fun...


We are going to go to the beach, take a drive through the wildlife refuge to look for gators, checking out Mercer House (remember the book In The Garden of Good and Evil?) and some of the other great historic mansions around there, and if I can talk her into it, I want to do one of the ghost tours!


Of course, the main objective will be looking for a place to live. I wish wish I could afford to live in the historic district~ but that just isn't possible right now. The rents there are out of my range. But I can see that I will have some great options and I am excited to get something and have this move done before school starts.

There is a little uneasiness at going so far from home~ I've never lived outside of California and certainly never took off to parts unknown on a wing and a prayer... I do have my best friend and her family going to be there, so it isn't like I am going some place where I know no one. Even so, it is all a bit scary.

3 weeks... WOW... not long at all...

Writers are just people who have a whole lot on the inside that they need to get to the outside, with pen and paper as their preferred method of transport. Same with dancers, artists, and singers - all the same urges with differing transportation. ~Graycie Harmon

I am on a journey~ this is an interesting thing to come about from my need to write things out. After talking with someone who knows me pretty well, I have been encouraged to sit down and write. Not just write like I do here in my blogs~ although that is what got the idea rolling around...

Her idea was to look at things more from the obstacles that I have dealt with over the years, the range of experiences I have had, and the way I have managed to keep a positive attitude and healthy outlook in even in the face of crippling experiences.

Her idea was that if I can layout on paper how the thinking process goes that creates my rather positive attitude that I may find a way to stop attracting some of the negative people who tend to find their way into my life. Based on the law of attraction, it is reasonable to assume that there is something going on inside my head that keeps bringing these people into my life and prevents me from being able to see the caution flags before I have become enmeshed in the relationship with family, friend, or romantic interest...

Always willing to try something new when what I have been doing is not working (“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”) I am willing to try this and see if the excercise might not help me over come this habit of attracting unhealthy people to my life.

So, over the next few days or weeks, there will be a bit of that happening here on the pages of my blog as search inside and get out on the pages things that have helped me maintain a positive attitude through difficulties and see if there is some correlation in those to work on attracting more healthy relationships instead of these unhealthy ones that seem to come into my life...

One thing I know for sure, as I look at the majority of my relationships... most of them are healthy. They are often what keeps me in a cheery mood when I am on the brink of overwhelming depression. Now if I can just get over this last bit of not so healthy relationships...

There are thousands of thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up the pen and writes. ~William Makepeace Thackeray

It's FRIDAY!

Ok, so like I don't work and the kids aren't in school and Fridays really aren't that big of a deal...

But...

It is Friday and that means this weekend we will be doing all sorts of FUNTASTIC things! Starting with a BBQ tomorrow afternoon, a little pool fun after we eat, a trip to the park later in the day and then back home to have a slumber party with several of my daughters friends.

We have crafts ready to go (having the girls print out favorite pics of themselves and then make photo frames so they can share them with each other) then it is popcorn and a girlfriend movie, and if the girls are still awake after that we will turn on the music and have fun dancing and being silly. Should be a lot of fun.

Sunday my daughter's Dad and Uncle will be by bright and early with donuts for breakfast, then we are off to church with all the girls in tow, after church another BBQ at a friends house and then... finally... a chance to relax at home...

Now I am headed outside to play water games with the girls!

OK I am READY

for this damn year to be over!

Today I was in a cleaning mood and started pulling things out of cabinets, wiping down shelves and all that deep cleaning sort of things that need to be done fairly regulary in a kitchen. Then I hear the doorbell, dry my hands off, head to the door and it is my son...

He has come to tell me to call my brother RIGHT now... so I call. My beloved JJ is in the hospital. He was careflighted to the closest major hospital having suffered a stroke. I have lost so much this year, been through so many changes, I am really starting to wonder how much more I really can handle.

I need a break from all the stress and I don't see it happening anytime real soon...

Right now I am going to go sit on the sofa, curled up with my babies laying in my lap and try to just relax and enjoy what I do have...

AWESOME AWESOME DAY!

Just a quick note here before heading out to spend time with my family...

I had court today for a restraining order and custody/visitation modification against my son's Dad. I was granted everything I had requested. So effective immediately I can move! Additionally my son's father cannot contact us in any way shape or form for the next three years. Although I will most likely continue the restraining order even after that, as I have nothing to say to the man except to tell him to drop dead for the evil he did.

I have an appointment with an assistance program to relocate and if all goes well by the time school starts in the fall the children and I should be moved away from home and starting our new lives far from this nightmare. Although the nightmare itself will never really be over, we can heal hearts and souls away from the craziness of living in a small town where everyone THINKS they know what is really going on.

I have three little ones who have forever been impacted by the horrors this man perpetrated. A part of me wishes I could undo everything in my life since January of 2007. But then I wouldn't have my baby boy... and I have to tell you, it has been his need for Mommy to keep it together and be emotionally balanced that has kept me from going over the deep end in this most devastating year of 2009.

Anyway, effective today, I legally free of the ties that bound me to this man and from being able to move on with my life. I have sole legal and physical custody with NO visitation to this man for our son. I have the restraining order preventing ANY contact by him or someone he sends to pass messages. And so now...

It is time for healing~ there will still be difficult times through the invistigation progress and through the trial. But I know now that my family will be ok even through this difficult time. Especially knowing that we will have a sanctuary far away from all the memories here...

A rather odd thing...

A friend of mine suggested doing a tarot reading... Not that I am a "believer" in tarot but it does seem to have interesting readings at times. And here is the reading I got this evening:

how you feel about yourself now (The Emperor)

You feel that success and achievement are on their way to you. A man of significance will provide his support, perhaps your father, husband/partner or boss - whoever it is, he will give you steady support. You feel confident and able to influence people and events, as you have a great sense of your own authority. Expect promotion at work or achieving greater status in life. If you have been a victim of ill will be assured that you will win in the end.

what you most want at this moment (Death)

The cards suggest Barbara, that what you most want at this time is absolute change, to end what you no longer want and start anew. You desire to transform your career or your love life, perhaps your whole lifestyle in general. However catastrophic such changes could be, embracing them will only make you grow in wisdom and experience.

your fears (The Empress)

You are feeling insecure, perhaps have money worries, as a parent you may have concerns over your children, or perhaps it's an unplanned pregnancy. There are people around you who love and care for you and they will give you support. Try not to be over protective and do not resort to emotional blackmail, it won’t do you any favours.

what is going for you (Temperance)

You are about to enter a period of peace and harmony in your relationship, career or life generally. You will find a way of handling difficult circumstances with calm confidence. Life is flowing at this time enjoy it.

what is going against you (The Sun)

You may experience a few delays on your quest for success and achievement but don’t worry, you’ll get there in a blaze of glory. Success may go to your head a little so a little modesty wouldn’t go amiss. Other than a few minor delays, look forward to a period of joy and happiness.

outcome (Judgement)

A time for taking stock, an end to an era or phase of your life and brand new opportunities appearing. An opportunity will present itself that must not be ignored and it could have far reaching implications, changing your life for the better. You will enjoy success and enjoyment for past efforts, events will pick up a pace and the outcome will be quicker than expected

If any of it is true, it seems that I am in for the much anticipated light at the end of the tunnel I have been waiting for this year of so many changes...

A bit of morning musing

Good morning Friends and Readers! I woke up bright and early this morning to sit on my sofa while my baby ate his breakfast and watched the sunrise. How wonderful this was! You get a whole new perspective on the world when you are able to quietly sit and watch the blue sky gently go from the dark rich midnight blue to the soft cornflower blue one only sees in summer skies.

As I sat there this morning, one of the thoughts going through my mind was how life is so often like those early morning sunrises...

Things are dark, we cannot see anything, and we are waiting for the sun to come up. Then what was dark and shadowy starts to be illuminated. Quietly at first, just a few less shadows, a few crisper outlines. Then all of a sudden everything is bright and we can see exactly what was hiding in the dark.

How many of us have found ourselves in the dark just before dawn, where we couldn't see anything. We can only imagine what is out there around us because we cannot see a thing... then the sun begins it's slow rise into the sky... we start to see shadows and shapes of what is really happening in our lives. And then as the sun crests the mountain top, we can see everything.

I feel like my life right at this moment is in those first few moments before the sun actually illuminates everything. The darkness has been lightened, I can see things around me, but it isn't yet totally visable... I know it will be soon, when I can see what it has been that has been going on in the dark around me.

And so...

I am now off to get spend time with my family on this most wonderful BRIGHT and CHEERFUL Tuesday morning! We have crafts to do, a new toybox to get filled up, and lots of fun things to do! See you all again soon!

Blog test~ This is a test of the mobile posting process... This is just a test. If this had been a real blog post you would be reading some rambeling thoughts...

Soulfull Living

http://www.soulfulliving.com/

This is a link to a terrific site with some great articles... hope you enjoy it!