Interesting Day

So today I headed out for a walk with the baby~ we were going to run some errands and pay a couple of bills. We were headed across a parking lot when someone pulls up beside us and calls me by a name I haven't been called by anyone except friends that I have known for 20+ years.

At first I didn't recognize her and then I did...

I am ever more reinforced that I need to move from here. Way to much drama...

The person we ran into was my son's brother's mother. Of course she wanted all the details of what happened with my sons father. I kept telling her I really don't know much. I know what the FBI told me and what I saw in the way of the photographs the FBI showed me. But anything else~ since I haven't talked to my son's father since the morning he was arrested (before he was arrested) and I don't know anything else. Of course there is what my son's father's wife told me~ but I cannot believe anything the woman says since she has told conflicting stories to people through all of this.

She told my brother one story about some information, told me a totally different story and then told a mutual acquaintance still a third story. So as far as I am concerned the woman is an unreliable source of any info.

The woman I ran into and I were once upon a time friends. We spent a lot of time together and did some really fun stuff together. But being friends with this woman was also chaotic and... weird. She has some really good things about her, but then there is the weird side of her and you never knew when it would come out.

But no matter~ that was then and this is now...

Today we spent about 2 hours catching up and chatting about a bunch of different stuff. From the sounds of things she and my son's father's wife are friends now. They seem to have ironed out the anger and resentments of the last 20+ years that built up between them. I wish them luck being friends.

I am sitting here tonight processing some of the information that was shared by this woman. Some of it is just BS. Take it with a grain of salt... Like when she told me that the "wife" told her that she didn't think my son was her husbands... hey don't I ever wish that were the case. I would be the FIRST person going to anyone, everyone, to prove he wasn't my son's father if there was even an inkling of a chance that he wasn't. Hell I might even make a deal with the devil to make it so. Anything to protect my son from the evil that is his father. I wish...

Having her go around telling people that the baby isn't her husbands does not hurt me in any way shape or form. It doesn't hurt my son either. As it stands in a few months I will be able to file abandonment and get MrStupid's name off the birth certificate and change my son's last name to mine. He will not have to know anything about his sperm donor.

Moving will also help, since once we are in the new place, no one will know anything about my son's father and he will not hear any of the nasty rumors that this town spews. I am so sick of it...

Since this is not the first person who has told me that my son's father's wife has said this, I am going to include it in my statement for the name change. Rumor or not it will help since she has told multiple people the same thing. Why should my baby share the same last name as her? She can have the last name, I don't want it for my son.

I am tired and irritable and plain cranky over this whole mess...

Swimming Good Fun

A Day at the Pool!

Kids and I had a BLAST!!!! Swimming all afternoon and having a grand time!

It was a total no worries day!

My niece joined in all the fun!

A fun day for sure!

Days like these make it all worth it!

Friday

I am sitting here tonight comfortably tired and pleasantly happy with the day I had.

I got to spend several hours with my grandsons~ it was so wonderful! The boys, their Mom and their cousin all came over and we walked to the park. The boys are growing up so fast. Hard to believe that my oldest grandson will be 5 in 3 short months. My other grandson (not in this picture) will be 5 in April and then my youngest grandson will be 4 in April. Seems like yesterday that they were just being born.

I love those boys so much... I am ever so fortunate that they are part of my life. I miss my other grandson that I don't get to see, but having these two boys around and able to do things with them... well it is such a blessing.

Things really are so good in my life right now~ there are only a couple of things that would make it better. My daughter being here would make things better~ I miss that child so much. The saving grace is that we are able to talk and text each other every day. I love the little text messages from her~ they let me know she misses me as much as I miss her.

The other thing that would be grand is to be able to have a real house again. I do like the little apartment~ it is comfortable enough for now. But I miss a house. I miss being able to let the boys RUN through grandma's house like banshee's being loud and obnoxious. I feel bad that I have to tell them "Shhhhh, grandma has neighbors". Same with my own kids. Not being able to have a dog or cat, not having a yard to play in, having stupid people doing stupid things right out our door... A house would indeed be nice.

But really over all~ no complaints.

If you are interested, take a look at my Troubled Thoughts blog to see what other things are going on ~ because along with the good stuff I have been dealing with some emotional junk too...

Coping

I have had a rough couple of days in some ways and then delightful days in other ways. Things have been really just off kilter for me. As I have tried to sort things out I have not been writing near as often on my blogs.

Generally I process better through writing and chatting with friends. But some of what I was dealing with, well it was hard to put into words. I am still struggling a bit with some thoughts but realize that I really need to be writing if I am going to work through it all.

First let me share some really awesome stuff~

Sunday morning I woke up and I really didn't feel like leaving the house. I would have been content snuggled up all day on the sofa with the kids doing not much of anything. But...

Here came my baby girl, bouncing out of her room, dress in hand telling me to get up and get ready, church starts in an hour. So I drug myself out of bed and got in the shower... Soon we were off to church. I had the opportunity to talk to someone at church who really impacted my day. So even though I didn't really want to go and was a reluctant member of the congregation, it was all for good and I am blessed because I went. There will be a little more on this in just a bit.

After church, my little bit wanted to play outside so bad. So we packed a lunch and off we went to the park...

Picnic in the park and playing all afternoon really was a lot of fun. Relaxing for sure. While Elizabeth was off playing, Allen and I snuggled on the blanket, watching and just being close to God out there.

So then Monday it was a day of errands as I walked from one end of town to the other. When the baby and I started out it was just a tad over 50 degrees. Fall is here indeed! The crisp cool mornings have arrived!

I was once more reminded that day, just how lucky I was to have been put in a position where we didn't have a car for so long and how much we can enjoy from walking places. The pace is slower, there is so much to see and enjoy, and there is time to reflect, talk with God, and get into right places mentally and emotionally.

Then when my little bear got home from school~ the four of us headed over to the Frosty Mill~

These are the moments of memory making and fun~

So then yesterday, Tuesday... once more I had some errands to run and so the little guy and I headed out bright and early. We were joined by my older son a little later and had a fun morning with the three of us. Really all was enjoyable. Then evening came and the little bear had Bible Quest. The kids are all sure enjoying the start of the year of Bible Quest and getting into the lessons.

And then that brings us to today~ another busy day. Allen's developmental teacher was here this morning. Today was an assessment day. It was very rewarding to hear that Allen is developing right on schedule and a few things a bit a head of schedule. His fine motor skills are flourishing now. His gross motor skills are also right on target. He is pulling himself up to stand now~

I am amazed at how fast he is growing up. So after Allen's thing, Allen, Eugene and I went and did a couple of loads of laundry (reminder to be GRATEFUL for having a washer and dryer in the house when I get into a house again!) After laundry we headed down to the store to get some milk and fresh fruit. Fresh fruit season is going to be coming to an end soon. I want to take advantage of what we can get on the cheap for as long as possible.

Then Elizabeth had a girl scout meeting this afternoon. LOL in all my infinite wisdom, I took a look at where the meeting was at and thought, oh thats close, lets walk... NEVER AGAIN! It is a long walk up the hill to where her meeting was, a long hot walk. Live and learn :)

Her meeting was great and we now have the schedule for the next few months. It is going to be a busy year, with lots of activities going on. After the meeting, we walked home... Again, although the walk to the meeting was exhausting, the walk home really had a few moments of gratitude for being able to walk and enjoy all that God has given us. I don't know if you can see them~ but here are pictures from three different places on our walk home where we saw deer~

A deer resting in the shade, a deer crossing the road, and a small herd in the gully

God truly does shower us with blessings if we just stop for a minute to enjoy them. I love watching the deer, seeing the wildlife that I don't always get to get pictures of to share but get the mental pictures of. I love the family moments I get to enjoy with my children. And...

My grandson came by tonight for a visit! I love my grandbabies and don't get to see them near as often as I would like. I only got to see the one tonight, this ones brother was at home and of course my other grandson we aren't allowed to see at all because of his Mom and my son not getting along.

There is my grandson, not wanting to sit for the picture... he wanted to play with Allen's truck :)

Grab your coffee and come with me! It is a magnificent Monday morning! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I have so much to be grateful for today!

Have you ever thought about it? For those of us living in a developed country like the US~ I want you to take just a minute and think about how much you have in your life to be grateful for. Most of us wake up in the morning, in a bed, with sheets and blankets on it, the room a comfy temperature thanks to thermostats that keep the home regulated at consistent temperatures. We crawl out from under blankets in our pajama's and head to the bathroom where we have running water to splash on our face and get us moving, heading to the kitchen, for a lot of us coffee is already made in our preprogrammed coffee maker dreading having to go to work...

Yet even here in the US, there are people waking up today who slept last night on the ground, newspapers or cardboard over them for a blanket, shivering a bit as autumn chill is in the air, wondering as they get up if the public restroom might have hot water in the sink today to clean up a little. They wish they had a job to go to so that they could get off the street...

Think about it...

Count Your Blessings Dear Readers~ see what God has done in your life!

Life of my son

Good Evening Dear Readers

It has been a day to remember in my little corner of the world~ today I learned that God has indeed sent a guardian angel to watch over my baby boy

You see this afternoon I was giving the boy his bath, his big sister wanted to help. So she climbed into the tub with him. The two were sitting in the tub splashing each other and having great fun. I turned to gather some things from the counter to finish up their bath when I heard a splash. I turned around and my little guy was totally submerged in the water.

I reached into the tub, pulling my baby out from under the water. His little face was crimson red and he was not breathing. My mind tried for all it was worth to remember what to do and I could not think... All I knew is my baby was turning from red to purple right before my eyes and I felt overwhelmingly helpless.

I yelled at my 22 year old to come help me. He ran into the bathroom and I thrust the baby at him. He shook him gently and then pulled him in close to him and gave him a gentle but firm squeeze. The squeeze did it. Allen sputtered and gasped... and he was breathing again. Hearing Allen burst out wailing, that cry was the most amazing sound I have ever heard.

As I sat down, my legs still trembling from the scare I had, I realized just how blessed I really am. God really is watching over us~ I am so grateful tonight!

I am uber excited tonight~ it has been a great day and things have been funtastic!

It started off bright and early this morning when I woke up and....

I looked at the clock and I thought it said 7:45...

So I am rushing, getting Elizabeth up and moving, getting her dressed as fast as we can, adrenaline rushing... and then...

I stopped to breath for a second and it is...

5:45 am!

Well since we were up, dressed and ready for the day anyway

We actually snuggled up on the sofa together and went back to sleep for a while...

When my alarm actually went off at 7, kiddos and I got up, finished getting ready for the day and had a good morning kick off after our little fiasco an hour before. Got Elizabeth off to school with lots of giggles and smiles. She hadn't been out the door 10 minutes when my friend called and told me that she was bringing by some things for me.

Way cool~ a couple of things to help organize things around the house. I can use this stuff. A cup of coffee and some conversation was a great way to get the day started. We sat around and talked about kids and homes and stuff like that. I have a little envy~ she is getting her dining room and living room painted this weekend. I wish I could paint. The walls in this little apartment are so boring... and the cinder block walls make me feel like it is a jail sometimes.

Well since I can't paint, I have been busy decorating. I still have some things I want to do~ but there is great progress being made. I am excited at the changes. Soon any remnants of my old life and old decorating will be gone and the house will look like new. I have a couple of projects that I am going to get started on in the new next few weeks.

First is new cushion covers for my dining room chairs and a coordinating table cover. I am really wanting to find something in bright greens and yellows. for this. Something like this:

I am really hoping to find the perfect fabrics to do this with. I haven't decided which color to use for the chairs and which to use for the table. I just know that I want the dining area to be in this color scheme. It is something that really makes me feel good and I look forward to getting it done.

Then in the livingroom~

In an ideal world I could run down to the local furniture store and buy something like this:

But my world isn't perfect... so I need to make due with what I have. Part of my plan is to recover the sectional. Before I can recover it though, I need to buy a new sewing machine. I am on the look out for one that I can get inexpensively. As soon as I do, I will be looking for a delicious fabric. Something soft and snuggly. I am thinking that I would like to find something in a taupe chenille. Then for a punch re-cover my throw pillows with a brocade. Maybe some thing like this:

I particularly like this because there are other colors that I can bring in from the pillows for other decorating in the room. The rust and the green especially...

Anyway, it is all still to be done... I have to wait for finances to square away and to get all the things I need to make the transformation. For now I will keep plugging away as I have been getting things done little by little.

Well I better wrap this up~ I have to take care of some things before I go to bed tonight!

Dear Readers thank you for joining me and good night!

Delightful Wednesday Morning Dear Readers!

The last few days have been less than fantastic... My beloved Uncle JJ is back in the hospital. He is really having a lot of problems and my heart grieves so much for him. I know that unless he gets the desire to live back again, it will not be long and he will be gone. Since my Aunt passed away he has steadily gone down hill. I think he wants to join her.

I miss him being around all the time. He has been here a few times since his stroke in June, but not the two or three times a week that he has been for the last 4 years. He is always so much fun to have around and do things with. The kids are missing him too.

My heart ached for Elizabeth the other day. When we told her that her Uncle JJ was in the hospital and that he had pneumonia, she teared up and said "When is he going to die?" I told her that he may not die and he might be home in just a few days. She did not believe me and reminded me that once Grandma got pneumonia she went to the hospital and died. So much lose in one little girls life~

I wish I could protect her, yet I know that this is something that might happen and I just have to love and support her through it.

Then on top of all that, I went and got the flu. I was so absolutely miserable! I wasn't sure I was going to be ok. But my two boys and Elizabeth rallied together to help me with Allen and make sure he and Elizabeth were taken care of. After not being able to eat for almost 36 hours, I was worried that I might need to give Allen formula. But a quick search told us as long as I wasn't dehydrated he would be ok. So while I was at my sickest I drank Sprite and then as I started feeling a little better I had some chicken broth and apple juice. Finally this morning I was able to eat again.

I am being cautious to eat light but make sure it is good for Allen stuff. 4 more months and I will be the happiest mommy on earth! That will mean I made it to 1 year with sole breastfeeding! I think back and remember being happy with just 6 weeks, then 8 weeks and every day after that was a blessing. What a BLESSING! 8 whole months already!

Along with all of this, my sweetie showed that change had not come... so I am back to just enjoying my life single. I am going to trust God that he knows His plans for me and I am going to ensure that I look for His guidance instead of the insanity of past behaviors I have done. I came to the conclusion that God has indeed given me the ability to pass on sinful behavior. I just need to look to Him when I am wondering if something is from Him or from Satan.

Being Single~ really it is not a bad thing. I will write more on this a little later... I had some insight on it while I was wrapped up in bed all day yesterday...

So that is a quick update on my life right now. I'll be back later to write more.

Wishing all of you dear readers a blessed night~ I have much to share but need to get some rest as my day was very long. I will probably be back in a few hours to \share what I have to share.

praying

One of the hardest prayers to say for me is...

"Father, thy will be done"

With my Uncle JJ being so sick and in hospital right now, my daughters father housebound because of his health problems, and all the loses we have already gone through this year...

I sat last night in tears, wondering how I could go on if my Uncle was taken from me too...

Then as if the Lord had wrapped me in his arms, I knew I would be ok. I will make it. My very dear friend told me last night that she figures I am going through the refiners fire. Everything being changed in my life to create the new being God wants me to be.

I am still sad at the illness that people I love are having to experience and I am still praying for them to make full recoveries and stay part of our lives... but I am saying "Thy will be done"

HAPPY SATURDAY DEAR READERS!!!!!

It has been a fantastic day in the world of TriumphantMom!

My morning started off with a phone call with someone very special... a tantalizing conversation indeed Certainly got my blood moving even before the coffee was ready.

While we talked, I got coffee started, made the kids and my breakfast, got kids woke up and ready for the day and the next thing I know I was reluctantly having to say "talk to you later" as our time to talk was over.

After my phone call and breakfast with my babies, we got down on the floor for some play time. My baby boy is starting to walk. He is just so cute! I am so blessed to have this little guy. I posted a video of his walking on his blog. 8 months old and stepping out~ of course it is the very early steps having to hold on because he is very wobbly but still so exciting!

Along with his developing so quickly is my delightful little girl! She is so exuberant and full of joy and happiness. She is really a great little girl! While we were playing on the floor this morning, she asked me if I thought Grandma was watching over Allen. I told her that I thought Grandma was watching over all of us. She looks at me, a little sparkle in her eye, and says "Yes, God would let her watch over us because she loves us as much as He does." It was just totally awe inspiring to hear my baby girl talk like this.

One of the things about Elizabeth, she really has a relationship with God. One that at times I envy. She is just so completely full of love for God. I remember back when she was born... conceived and born under not so great circumstances, much like Allen. Yet here both of these kids are turning out to be the greatest gifts I have ever received.

Actually all six of my kids are really fantastic blessings. Even my oldest, who is such a heart ache maker at times. They are the reason I get up in the mornings and keep going on days when I wonder if going on is worth it. Whenever doubts about life being marvelous comes into my head, all I have to do is think about my babies...

After our play time, we were off to a kids church program. Elizabeth enjoys these so much. Of course having friends of her big brother that she idolizes helping with the group really helps too. So off we walked to the youth group program... She had a lot of fun.

After youth group, we were off to do a little shopping. Elizabeth is planning for her birthday~ she has grand plans for her party. A pinata, cake, ice cream, and I was informed today that there also needs to be jell-o. Decorations are being planned out and games too. This is going to be a lot of fun!

Shopping done, window shopping for party stuff and then a walk back home...

Our afternoon was nice and quiet. Just the three of us, hanging around the house, not doing to much of anything. Elizabeth read us a book~ her reading is getting so strong. Now she is also learning a bit about voice inflection and so her reading is becoming more enjoyable to listen to. She read us a story about one of the Beatitudes.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. "

It was a pretty cool little story. Instead of talking about mourning because someone died or things aren't going great, it taught that the children should mourn not following God's will so that God can comfort them. A little different take on this particular beatitude than we usually are taught. I enjoyed it~

Then we were off to dinner....

It was a FUNTASTIC walk in a delightful little stormburst! The storm had been brewing for a while so I told Elizabeth that we would drive. She laughed at me and asked me if I was the wicked witch and would melt in the rain. She goaded me into heading out for a walk in the rain...

It really was great to get out there and enjoy the little storm. It didn't last long so we didn't get really wet and it was really alot of fun. On our walk to dinner, we passed a house that had a tree out in front...

How totally cool is that? Can you see the crows up in the tree? We would have missed that if we had drove... I really do LOVE walking. God gave me a blessing with my car having broke down and not being able to get another right away. These days I know that I would rather walk than drive most places I go. I can get anywhere in my little town in under an hour of walking, even if I am strolling at a very casual pace and stopping to "smell the roses" often. Much more enjoyable than taking a drive in the car where I am agitated because other drivers are going too slow, too fast, not using a blinker, yada yada yada...

Home after dinner and it was great to settle on the sofa for a while with my babies snuggled up with me. A bedtime story and some more snuggles and the kids were off to bed...

Yes indeed another fantastic day in the world of TriumphantMom!!!