Random Wanders of Thoughts

Hullo Dear Readers! What a week! Kids have kept me BUSY! A mostly good busy :)

There have been a few negatives~ but nothing too bad. It has actually been good in an odd sort of way~ I got to really see how much I have changed over the last few years.

My son pointed out, where once in a similar situation I would be yelling, screaming, and having a hissy fit in front of everyone~ this time I was composed, my voice only raised a mild octave, and I was coherent and making sense. Pretty cool that the tools I have learned the last few years to act appropriately in situations are actually being used and working~

So although the negative experiences this last week were really a pita~ at the same time it was a positive for me to be able to see just how far I have come.

For me though, one of the crowning moments of this last week came from my 18 year old.

For those who don't know, we were estranged from eachother for about two years. He rarely came to visits with me. At the time I knew he was being filled with garbage from his father. I knew that I was always presented as a psycho crazy women who didn't love them. Hell when our son was 2 years old his dad laughed when he had taught the child to call me a bitch.

A couple of years ago, there was a turn in my son's and my relationship. The kids dad had a drug overdose of a prescription medication. Our daughter found her dad unresponsive in his bed. The kids called an ambulance and then me.

I had before me a most amazing opportunity~ I could have gotten custody of the kids right then and there. But I didn't do it~ both of my babies were so scared their Daddy was going to die. They begged me not to do anything to hurt him. And so... I just kept the kids with me until he was out of the hospital and feeling better and let them go back to live with him. No fighting, no stupidity... just doing the right thing in the situation.

Well that experience showed my son that although his father said certain things, he had conflicting information that he got to observe first hand. So then later when his father was telling him that I was trying to take them away from him just for the child support... well my son was able to see... that was not the case. And so we began a new stage in our relationship. He has come to my house almost daily since the start of summer. He has his own place and his own life, yet he still makes time to pop in and see his Mom. It is amazing!

So there was a conflict between the kids dad and myself this last week~ there was my son~ standing up to his dad~ DEFENDING me! How cool is that? It truly was one of the most awesome experiences I have had as a Mother :) My son has seen through the lies his father has told, all of his father's attempts to seperate my children from me, all the games his dad has played... he stood there, called him on it, and tried to tell his father that he should look at things in a different way.

Of course, my Ex being my Ex just refused to see any of it... he has some issues that really need to be dealt with in a theraputic setting. He is a vengful person with some really serious black and white thinking. I already know that sometime in the next week I will have CPS at my door because he has called them on me for some craziness.

One of the reasons I had stopped trying to get equal time with our daughter is because EVERY time there was something going on with court, my Ex had CPS at my door. The calls were all unfounded, but I still had to deal with it and it was frustrating. I wanted and needed a period of peace in my life...

Yet even when I stopped fighting with him over time with the kids, he played the head games. He decided if/when I could have visits with our daughter, even though our orders were specific. He flat told me that if I didn't like it take him back to court... anything to cause a fight. He couldn't just let me have her when the orders said and let there be peace for all of us. It is like he needs the conflict to survive.

So we are headed back to court... that is the negative at the moment... the positive is that I have my baby girl with me and she is doing great! I love her so much and it has been so amazing to have her home with me, home where she belongs!