~another day is coming to a close~

It has been another wonderful day in the world of TriumphantMom!

I am truly blessed indeed.

I did have a moment of having to deal with things that I have kept buried.

To read about that, hit up my troubled thoughts blog.

Otherwise, I am focusing right here in the wonders and grandness that God has

blessed my life with!

1. My children~ Robert, Eugene, Joshua, Katie, Elizabeth, and Allen are absolutely the biggest blessing God has given me!
2. My home~ this little apartment is not my dream home, but I am blessed to have a decent place to live and to call home. There are those out there homeless, sleeping on the street or in the charity of others homes. I am blessed.
3. My car~ a blessing that so often is taken for granted by those of us in the United States. But having it as winter is just around the corner really is a blessing. We are still walking because I have come to appreciate the exercise and fresh air of walking. But I know when it gets cold, the babies and I will get to be comfortable in the car.
4. Friends~ God has blessed me with WONDERFUL people! I have family that are friends and friends that are as close as family. Totally awesome to have people I care about and care about me!
5. My Faith~ God has given me the ability to have faith in him and that faith gives me hope for my future. I know that God is going to continue giving me amazing blessings in my life. I know that my family, my friends, my home, my life are all going to be blessed beyond my wildest dreams because I have faith in my God and what He can do in my life!

May you have a truly wonderful evening!

The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you. ~Kendall Hailey

Hey I told you it was going to be a wonderful day and it was AMAZING!

Lots of fun and family today and even though we didn't get all the stuff that we had planned done, we still had so much fun! We went to the park and had a "brunch" around 10 this morning, wandered home around 2:30 where we ate lunch and took naps. Then it was up and visiting with my uncle, off to dinner with him, then back home where we hung out for a while longer before finally giving up on "family" time around 9 when I made my LittleBear go to bed since she has school in the morning~

Totally a fun and family and friend filled day. They honestly do not get much better than this! I could do days like today everyday I think :)

I am taking myself off to bed, to get some rest because i am a happy and content tired tonight after such a good day!

Have a wonderful night and I'll *see* you tomorrow!

Happy Sunday!

It is a wonderful day! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I have a great day to look forward too! It is a day of family and friends and getting tgether and doing things together. I am so excited and so ready to have this day.

The plan is to get together for a "brunch" time together and spend the late morning and early afternoon watching the kids play and have fun. Taking a couple of teenagers with us too. This means a little grown up talk while the teens watch the babies play. Something we don't get very often. Soccer practice is in the plans too.

Afternoon we are heading home to have a late lunch together. Finances being what they are, it is a kids lunch~ Peanut Butter and Jelly Sammiches with sliced apples that we picked from a neighbors tree the other day and then juice to drink. But a peanut butter and jelly sammich for a grown up is good for the soul once in a while.

After lunch the bigger kids are going to make Apple Dolls. We are going to spend the afternoon making them and making clothes for them and doing some other crafty projects. Then I think for after dinner we are going to make Apple Crisps. I have a really simple recipe that the girls can pretty much do on their own other than the slicing of the apples.

It is really going to be a fun day! I love these sorts of days. Lots of fun to be had for every one.

Family, Birthdays, and Holidays

For those of you dear readers who are not aware~ my former husband was raised Jewish. He has imparted his religion on to our children. It is a religion rich in tradition and one that I have enjoyed learning about over the last 21 years since knowing him.

Why am I mentioning this?

Coming up quickly is the "High Holy Days"~ Sunset on September 18th begins Rosh Hashanah. This is the Jewish New Year. It is brought in by the blowing of the shofar (a rams horn). The blowing of the shofar is a call to repentance. In Jewish Tradition, Rosh Hashanah is the anniversary of man's first sin and his repentance from that sin. As a side note, Rosh Hashanah is also the anniversary of Abraham's taking his son Isaac up to the mountain to be the sacrifice to God. Of course we know that God provided a Ram instead and Isaac was released.

Rosh Hashanah is also the first of the 10 days of Repentance and ends with Yom Kippur that starts at sunset on September 27th.

These 10 days are really important in the Jewish Religion. They are days, that although if you are a Christian, not important in the entirety, do have some meaning, importance, and tradition that may interest you. We are not bound, as Christians, to the law of Abraham. However, I do believe there is much that can help us with our walk with God if we pay attention to the traditions of the Jewish Religion.

On Rosh Hashanah the Tashlich prayer is recited. This is the "casting away of sin" prayer. In Jewish tradition, this prayer would be said at a body of water.

Tashlich is traditionally performed on the first day of Rosh HaShanah, but if this day falls on Shabbat then tashlich isn't observed until the second day of Rosh HaShanah. If it is not performed on the first day of Rosh HaShanah it can be done anytime up until the last day of Sukkot, which is thought to be the last day of the New Year's "judgment" period.

In order to perform tashlich take pieces of bread or another food and go to a flowing body of water such as a river, stream, sea or ocean. Lakes or ponds that have fish are also a good place, both because the animals will eat the food and because fish are immune to the evil eye. Some traditions say that fish are also significant because they can be trapped in nets just as we can be trapped in sin.

Recite the following blessing from Micah 7:18-20 and then toss the bits of bread into the water:

Who is like You, God, who removes iniquity and overlooks transgression of the remainder of His inheritance. He does not remain angry forever because He desires kindness. He will return and He will be merciful to us, and He will conquer our iniquities, and He will cast off our sins into the depths of the seas. Give truth to Jacob, kindness to Abraham, like that you swore to our ancestors from long ago.

In some communities people will also pull out their pockets and shake them to make sure any lingering sins are cast off. (http://judaism.about.com/od/holidays/a/whatistashlich.htm)

Anyway~ I was thinking of all this because I will be celebrating this very special holiday with my son this year as his Dad is not going to be here. Along with the traditions I have already talked about, there is also FOOD!

Tzimmes, Honey Cakes, Challa, Geffelte Fish... mmmmmmm

I am working on my menu's for September and that is what brought all this to mind... I must be careful to have kosher meals for my son during this time...

Shopping

Shopping

An interesting subject~

August found me over extending my budget just a touch. Nothing detrimental but enough to create a need to tighten the belt and decide what was the most important things in the way of groceries.

Coupon and sales shopping is something I do most of the time. I also tend to know what stores carry what products at "everyday" prices that are cheapest for items we use the most of. During lean times in the past I was extra cautious with my grocery budget. For several years I fed my family of 6 for right around $150 a month excluding bread and milk cost.

Of course at that time food costs were less expensive. There were several different cuts of meats you could get for under a $1 a pound. Now that price is only on sale items and less "meaty" cuts. Every thing is at least a few cents higher than it was 2 or 3 years ago.

Anyway, after this last few weeks, I decided it was time to return to my old habits when it comes to shopping. I am sharing here (on the advice of my friend) how it is that I am able to feed a large family cheaper than many feed one person.

The first thing I do is pull out the meat sales~ since most meals are planned around a meat dish, this is where I start. Once I have an idea of what meats are on sale I start making a menu plan. Menu plans include using "leftovers" for other meals. So if we are having say Lemon Herb Chicken for dinner on night #1, the next night we might have chicken enchalada's or shredded chicken in a pasta dish. If we have a ham dinner on Sunday night on Monday we might have Ham Sammiches with Soup or Ham and Beans. You get the idea. Stretch that left over meat that isn't enough for a whole meal for the family into a meal. By making a menu, it gives the use of each bit of meat into a plan that keeps the food costs down.

Another thing I do is I have a collection of compartment containers ( SEE HERE ) These are great when there is only a servings worth of left overs left after dinner. Put the leftovers in the container and pop it in the freezer. Then the next time you are short on time to cook or just not up to it, there in the freezer is a "TV Dinner" ready to go in the microwave.

Once I have planned my meals, I then go through the cabinets and fridge to see what I have. Once I have the inventory, I am able to make my shopping list. When school is in session there are certain lunch items that are staples. Just as much as coffee, flour and sugar. Also as a staple on my list is things like butter and fresh fruits for snacks. I do try to hit whatever is on sale for the staples. Also when ever possible I will stock up on perishibles that last longer if they are on sale. Especially things like pasta, rice, tomato products (paste, sauce, chopped, diced, etc.), canned meats/meals like tuna, tamales, soups, and so on.

Here again, meal plans are important. While school is in session we don't need much in the way of "quick" lunch things like soup. But there are weekends and holidays. Part of the meal planning is thinking ahead for these. Macaroni and cheese served as a side dish with dinner for instance~ instead of making 2 cups make 3 and then you have left over for lunch the next day (or freeze it for lunch later).

I also look at the possibilities of dinner leftovers being used for breakfast. Baked potatoes for dinner, I'll make 4 or 5 extra so that they can be diced up the next morning for o'brien potatoes or shredded for hash browns. This is all part of the budgeting, meal planning, and keeping the food costs down.

Coupons~ I admit I use them but I am not one of those who can shop and only spend $5 for $100 worth of food. I go through the coupons to find the foods we use and then use them. I will buy a different brand of some foods if there is a coupon that makes it worth it. A good example of this is a few weeks ago when Best Foods had a mayonaise coupon that made the mayo as cheap as the store brand we usually buy. Generally coupon shopping saves me about $10 a month. Not a lot but when you think of it as 5 loaves of bread or 5 pounds of chicken...

All of this combined brings us to a food budget that although low, gives us plenty of good food.

Interview with a second grader

First Day of School

First Day of Second Grade!

An exciting and fun day for my baby girl~ her first day of second grade. She is in a class with a lot of friends and feels very comfortable and bossy having been going to school for "so" long now. She was up and out of bed just a little after 6 this morning and in the shower without me having to say anything. I didn't wake her up or tell her to get in the shower.

She was all ready and waiting to leave the house just about an hour before time for us to leave. We walked to school with several friends from our complex and neighborhood. A joyful little parade chatting and laughing on our way to school.

This year she has a teacher that has never had one of her siblings, so a chance to make her very own impressions without one of the other kids past influencing expectations of her.

She came home from school as excited as when she left this morning. All the way home she chattered about her teacher, sitting next to this friend and not next to that one and so on. She was extra excited about 2 computer lab times instead of just one.

Yay for a GREAT start to what is going to be great school year!

train them up

Good Morning Friends and Readers! Happy Sunday to ALL of you!

"This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice
and be glad in it."
Psalms 118:24

A delightful day indeed! I wanted to share with you a little inspiration that came my way by a powerful speaker. God uses people to touch our lives in ways that can be powerful in a setting that we didn't expect to be touched.

Deuteronomy 6:7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

My conversation with this person started off as a discussion about school starting. He was belittling the public school system. I do understand the thoughts behind his disparage of the public schools, I also believe that as a society as a whole we have come to rely on the schools to educate our children, teach them values, etc. In fact, in many homes children spend more time with there teacher than with either of their parents in an average week.

In fact this was the case in my very own family. My older kids were 10, 14, and 16 before I was able to be a stay at thome mom. When they were small there were times I was working 60-80 hours a week to provide what society considers "normal". I figure that for about 10 years my kids were lucky to get about 3 hours a day with me between work, school, and sports/after school activities.

As we were talking I mentioned that we place too much responsibility on schools to "train up" our children (Proverbs 22:6) We also rely on childcare providers the same way. We as parents do very little of the actual parenting.

This guy was going on and on about how schools are failing our children. Even when I mentioned parental responsibility, he was not listening. He lamented about the state of our schools~ it was then that I realized this man had been sent to me by God to help me recognize and be thankful for where I am at this point in life.

I am eagerly looking forward to sending my children back to school. I know that they will be instructed in the mundane things like punctuation, grammer, who fought in the war of independence, and why b+g(x)g+b= z (OK I am still not sure how that happens LOL). My children's teachers are there not to be my children's primary teachers. They are there to suppliment and enhance my teaching of my children. This is true for academics, social skills, and values that children learn at school.

Today, when the sun rose and I was able to sit with my daughter as she asked for the blessing on her oatmeal, as I was able to help her take her bowl to the kitchen and rinse it out, take the clothe and wipe down her placemat, as I was able to be there with her and talk to her, I realized that what is truly glorious about this day God made, is that I have the opportunity to be my children's teacher and train them up in the way of the LORD.

School Starting and Other such things

Joshua is officially a college student~ not even 18 yet and my baby boy is in college. Well not the baby boy since Allen's arrival, but still he was my baby boy for 17 years and will remain so even when Allen is the one turning 18 and Joshua will be 36!

Katie begins high school in a new place this year. I won't be there for her first day of high school. My heart is hurting a little that I will be missing so many first for her in high school. But I know that I am making the best decision for my daughter that I can right at this moment. She has dealt with being in the middle of so much anger and animosity between her father and I. She deserves to have some peace.

Besides, her father has been lavishing her with so many opportunities that I could never give her. She has taken scuba lessons, surfing lessons, sail boating lessons, she has been crabbing, deep sea fishing... How totally exciting for her. I can't give her all of that. I can't give her the brand new bedroom suite from Pier One, the bedroom with french doors that open onto a view of the ocean, the delightful lime green and shocking pink bedding and linens for her master suite room... Her dad can and is giving her all these wonderful experiences.

So although the selfish part of me wants to keep fighting and bring my baby home, with me, her mother. I am going to do the right thing for my daughter and let her enjoy all that she is being given and just reassure her that Mom is here whenever she needs me to be.

MissElizabeth such a big girl and heading into second grade. It seems hard to believe. Second grade, almost 7 years old. Where oh where has the time gone? I know it will be in just a few days time that I will be writing the same about Allen.

Elizabeth has been declaring to anyone who would listen to her, her excitement at going back to school. She loves school so very much. She loves learning, she has 3 years (one year preschool) of perfect attendance, she just really loves school. She has been planning on writing her first story when going back to school. She already knows that her first story will be about what she did this summer. She is quite excited to tell people about her rather boring stay at home summer.

When we were walking the other day she grabbed my hand and said "Mommy, you know the best thing about this summer?" I asked her if it was playing with friends? No she responded. Having brother come home? No. Going to the river? No. Going to the park? No. She swings my arm and says "The best thing about this summer is you loved me." "Loved you?" I asked her quizzically. She tells me that I made sure that every day we did something together. She told me that she knows I love her because I had her help me cook, read her stories, and the list went on. We talked about all the things she thinks means I love her all the way down town.

I was a little overwhelmed that little everyday things that I do because I am "the mommy" made her feel so special. It reminded me just how very important it is that we take the time, no matter how busy we are, to spend a few minutes every day with our children letting them know by action, that we love them.

Back to School~ back into a regular routine a regular schedule. Of course along with school we have Girl Scouts and Soccer after school along with Awana's. My mother's group has our first meeting in a couple of weeks and we will make the schedule for getting the babies together for play dates and Mommy time. Then there is my Bible Study group while Elizabeth is in school and Allen's home teacher and my regular therapy sessions... and I need to keep up with friends??? It is going to be at a run school year! Haven't had one this busy in YEARS!

looking at my sins

A rather interesting experience occured this last few days~

I have been in the process of looking at my sins, my transgressions, and talking to God and a friend about them~

One of the things my friend was telling me, that really hit home and made this process so much easier in one aspect...

Sharon was telling me how it has been her experience that as a woman, we often get caught up in a cycle of shame. We did something "shameful"~ my friend used the woman at the well for her expample~ the woman had been married 5 times and was just living with the man she was with at the time she encountered Christ at the well. So in her time, having married and divorced and remarried was shameful~ yet this woman before Jesus told the truth, that she had no husband. Jesus comended her for being truthful and did not shame her for living with a man. He offered her salvation.

Sharon tells me that God wants us to be like that woman, sure we may do something "shameful" but if we come to God with honesty then, well He offers us His grace and forgiveness.

As we talked, I told my friend that the so called "big" sins really aren't that difficult for me to confess to or even talk about with other people. I look at the 10 commandements and I know with regret that I have broken every single one of them and some in BIG ways. What I find harder, is the "little" sins...

Does saying "Sorry someone is on the other line, can I call you later?" to get out of a phone call count? I was told NOT to lump sins into a pile to break them down. But I do not think I could even recall all those "little" lies. Also, as I was talking to Sharon, I wanted to know~ if we have told a lie, say for instance "I enjoyed our visit" (even though the person annoyed you) how do you address it when talking to God?

After talking with my friend about this` I think we came to a concencius... If you can recall specific incidents, you use the specific incident. Then "lump" it with something along the lines of "Father, I know there are other sins of this nature that I have commited that I am not remembering right now." It isn't being honest with yourself or God if you do a lumping when there are other incidents you do remember so be careful...

I loved the way my friend went about telling me how she went through this process~ she said it was like cleaning a house that hadn't been cleaned in a really long time. She said that when you first start, it is easy because there is trash and stuff all over, OBVIOUS stuff that needs to be dealt with. Then as you clear that stuff, maybe there is still dirt, dust, spider webs and so on that need to be dealt with. A little harder to see but still pretty in your face. Then as you get through that... there is the hidden sins/stuff. The stuff you have stuffed in closets and drawers. Maybe even stuffed in boxes before sticking it in the closet. This takes a while to get through. And then finally it is the detail cleaning that needs to be done. Cleaning windows and sills, baseboards, light switches, things like that.

She shared how for her, when she started doing the closet sins, she had to go to God and say "Father, there is this closet in my life that is really a mess, even acknowledging it scares me, I can't clean this up by myself Lord." She told me how she felt God speak to her and tell her it would be ok and she was able to tackle those sins because God was holding her hand through it.

I really related to her analogy, since messy houses are something I have had to struggle with in the past. I know what has to be done to get a house clean, really clean, so I was able to transfer her analogy to my sins. The very obvious being things like my affair with a married man. The still obvious but under that first layer would be things like having lied or gossiped. Then there is the closet sins...

These are the ones that we have justified (lying to not hurt someone we care about), hidden from others to protect ourselves (ever lie on a tax form?), or are afraid of admitting to (ever done something that hurt someone else but they didn't know you did it?).

Then the detail cleaning~ stole a pen? not returned money when given too much change? ate grapes standing in the produce section of the store? called someone a name? ran a red light? You know the idea... those so called "little" sins. Ever over eaten (gluttony?) Got angry and yelled at someone? (anger/wrath) Looked at a man like say Dwayne Johnson and went Ohhlala? (lust)... we don't think of these "little" things as sin or realize the damage that the little sins can do in our lives.That is why we want to do the housekeeping and address them as much as the "big" sins.

Finally for me, as I was looking at all of this~ I realized that repentance is not just about admitting it, not just about not doing it any more... Repentance is a matter of the heart. Certainly we need to confess our sin. To ourselves and to God. We must also turn away from the sin. Yet there are those sins, being human that we may repeat again. So we repeat the repentance.

I am really making some progress on all of this and already I am feeling closer to God than I have in sometime. I can feel the yolk of carrying my load coming off. I know I have a long ways to go still and I will also have DAILY work to do. But I am well on my way and I sure can tell the difference!

For me the biggest thing I can see I need to do through this process is to avoid JUSTIFYING actions. To just accept the responsibility for what I did and not make excuses for it. To just be honest with myself and with God. In the situations where my heart was in the right place but I made wrong choices, well then God will know it without my having to say anything.

I am so EXCITED to just be ALIVE today! I am telling you this, to be sure, GOD is so AMAZING!

Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Today I spent the day with my children and a friend~ we had an amazing and delightful day together. I was so taken with how the day went and feel SO totally and completely blessed by the Lord!

Glory to God for ALL He does!

I had someone come into my life today who really brought me back to the heart of worship! I feel so much closer to the Lord than I have in AGES! My life is in the process of a complete change and I am sitting here tonight knowing that it is only by God's Grace and the conviction of certain people who have shared with me their faith and encouraged me.

When this person came into my life today, he was a person that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this person was touched by God and would be a blessing in my life. So the afternoon and evening was spent talking and playing and singing and just being together and enjoying life to the fullest!

So my new friend~ may I first tell you that in all my life I do not think I have met a more funny person. I spent the entire afternoon, even during serious talk laughing. This man's spirit is truly a HAPPY one. I am in awe of this person. I am looking forward to getting together again later this week for another afternoon like today.

God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus

I had a need met today that I didn't realize was even there. I have a home church, I have great friends who share with me their thoughts and beliefs, I have been really blessed by Christian friends. Yet something has been missing...

I did not know it, didn't have any idea there was a need that wasn't being met. Honestly life has been really good lately. We have a home, we have food, we have clothes...

The need...

To have someone touch my heart and open it up to receive all the blessings God really does have for me. My new friend pointed out that although I have made the "affirmation" video and I have dreams to have more in life~ My dreams for myself cannot compare to what God has dreamed for my life.

Ephesians 2:6-7

And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus

God is blessing my life~ I am so in awe of this thing that is happening in my life!

I have struggled so much with my faith, struggled with being a "new man" transformed because Christ is in my life. Yet as I sat with my friend today~ he told me that I was a new man in Christ. He explained to me that when I came to Christ 5 years ago, I came broken, hopeless, without any plans for a future. I was incarcerated in my own desolate life.

Yet in the five years since I came to Christ, my life has purpose. I have a hope and I have a future. I may not always make the best choices, I may sin, yet I recognize it and call it what it is. I make it right with God.

When my friend and I discussed the relationship I had with my sons father~ this relationship really devastated my life on so many levels. Yet as my friend pointed out~ what this man meant to hurt me God meant to use it for good. I have my son~ what a blessing! My son has been dedicated to God. He is going to be raised in the church, he is going to be a great man of God. Just as my daughter is already such an inspiring child of God.

My daughter rolls me out of bed on Sunday mornings when I don't want to roll out and makes me get it together to go to church. My little girl, who I set aside and dedicated to God, is bringing me to God every week.

As my friend and I talked, I told him a lot of the history between my son's father and I. I explained how I had tried several times to end the relationship and walk away and this man would reel me back in. As we sat in the grass, I used the laptop to pull up the emails between him and I to show my friend. Showed him where I really had TRIED. I just wasn't strong enough.

I also showed him the messages from my son's father that accused me of demonizing him, the messages from his wife saying the same thing. My new friend told me that I I was listening to the Holy Spirit speaking to me. This man was bound by Satan and Satan was using him to hurt me and my relationship with God.

It worked, I lacked the strength to turn away completely. Like Lot's wife, I was to in this world, and even though I knew not to look back, I did anyway and I suffered because of it.

My new friend prayed with me~ I cannot even begin to tell you the PEACE that just enveloped me with this. I am at a place where I feel so close to God and feel like His blessings are really being poured out on me. Glory to God for all of His GREATNESS!

Over the next few days, until I meet with my friend again, I have a task. While God's Grace and Forgiveness is poured out so long as we believe in His Son and invite His Son into our life... we are still held accountable for our words and actions both in this life and to God later (see Matthew 12:36)

My task will be to look at this stuff~ to bring it before God. It is a lot of work to address all of this. I know that if I am honest with myself and with God though, I am going to be in such an AMAZING place once I do this that the pain of going through this will be so far overshadowed by God's peace.... that Peace that surpaces all understanding...

Well thank you for reading along with me...

Good Monday Morning!

This morning when I woke up I tried a little some thing new~ this is part of the positive thinking stuff~usually when the alarm goes off I roll over smack the snooze button and groan that I don't want to get up yet. So today I tried a little something different. The alarm went off, in automatic pilot I reached over and smacked it, then I remembered...

It is a NEW day! New things to look forward to, new memories to create, new people to meet, new joys to discover! How can one be grumbly when there is so much to look forward to?

Although I didn't JUMP out of bed with enthusiasm, instead of grumbling and trying to go back to sleep, I made a mental list of all the great things that I had to look forward to today. Getting coffee made (mental note that when I buy my new coffee maker I want to buy one that will coffee ready for me when I wake up!) sitting down to that first cup of coffee and my email from friends, and so on...

Today is a "boring" stay at home sort of day~ yet even with that I know there are things to look forward to and things that will be special.

My new goal is to start each morning instead of grumping that it is morning and I don't want to get out of bed... I want to change that. I want to wake up thinking about all the great things that I have to look forward to!

For me, to help me really focus on being positive, I decided that I needed music that got me going in the right direction to start with. So I have downloaded "Walking on Sunshine" (just the chorus) to be my new morning alarm :) I'll get it added on my clock sometime today.

Then to help a little more with the really being positive first thing in the morning~ I am going to look for some really inspirational type pictures (or take them myself) to put on my bathroom walls and that way I have even more positive influence first thing in the morning (and through out the day too!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2XcqKaXDIY

Positive Affirmations

Let me share with you! If you have been part of this blog or part of my Joyful Life blog, you know I have been on this positive thinking journey for some time. I decided to do the slide show that had my affirmations in them~ a way to make the affirmations more than just words. To give them some tangibility. I I have been watching it and realized that there is more to the positive thinking than just thinking or saying.

For me, I figured out that it really has to be something more than words. Although the words written, read, said all help there needs to be more. I need it to be more real~ the slide show really is helping and I am working on one that I hope will really be even better for me. I figured something out. For the affirmations to work~ really WORK~ there must be some sort of way to actually make it something you believe that you can have in your life.

Here is the way I figured it~ say you want more happiness in your life. Happiness, when you say it is a word, will envoke a memory of a happy moment. If you examine the happy memory, there will probably be things in your memory that enlist all the senses. You can remember what you were hearing, what you were seeing, smells that may have been present, you may remember a certain taste if the memory involved a taste, and you may have memories of feeling textures or temptures. When I was looking at "Happiness" I knew that my most precious happy memories are things to do with my kids. I went on a happiness journey~

Wrote the word~ Happiness. Wrote my Affirmation: I have happiness in my life every day. Said my affirmation out loud: I have happiness in my life everyday. Then... then I sat quietly and and brought up a happy memory. For me it was yesterday, watching my kids ride on their bikes. Having my son out riding with my daughter was so cool. I was laughing and giggling at them and they were having fun together. We were happy. I thought about all the senses that I was using during this hour or so of happiness. There was the warm sun on my skin, a little breeze blowing and you could feel it. You could smell the flower garden across the street. There was laughter and the kids talking to me and eachother. Yes I could totally recall all the senses in bringing up the happy memory.

I figured out that for me, any affirmation, any of the stuff that I want to make happen in my life, any positive thinking I do, I need to be able to really BELIEVE in it and also be able to bring all my senses into bringing it to life in my mind and be able to play the movie of it in my head. Daydreaming with all the senses...

I am so looking forward to making this change in this and move forward on my Positive Thinking journey...

Stay Tuned and I'll update soon!

Hideeho Friends and Family!

So this evening I wanted to share my 100 Happy Thoughts with you~ These are 100 things that make me feel happy~ Most of the things are very simple and that is what the list is all about~ realizing how many little things are out there to give us happy feelings~

If you want, take the time to read my happy thoughts. Then, I challenge you to make your own 100 Happy Thoughts List~ it is an activity that will really show just how many things you have to be grateful for.

1. Allen's Smile
2. Elizabeth's "I love you"
3. Katie's Text just to say hi during the day
4. Joshua's hugs
5. Eugene's quick IM saying "Hey"
6. Robert doing things with his little brothers and sisters
7. Being able to still nurse Allen at 7 months
8. Watching my children play at the park
9. Spending time with all 6 children
10. Family Dinners
11. Pizza Night
12. Reading to my babies
13. Allen reaching up to me to be picked up
14. Elizabeth telling me "You are the best Mommy ever" just because I made cookies
15. Craft time with the kids
16. Katie telling me she wants to live with me
17. Making Sunday Breakfast with my girls
18. Taking pictures of my babies
19. Snuggle time with the little ones
20. Sleeping Angels at 9pm
21. Picking & eating fresh apricots
22. Making an apple pie from apples we picked ourselves
23. Walking on a mountain trail
24. Picnic at the park
25. Picking blackberries at the river
26. Swimming at the river
27. Watching my daughter learn to climb a tree
28. Playing tag on the lawn
29. Watching Allen explore grass
30. Dancing in the rain
31. Puddle Jumping
32. Watching a lightening storm from our porch
33. Catching Frogs
34. Watching Butterflies land on roses
35. First blooms of the lilacs
36. Sunflowers bobbing their heads in greeting
37. Watching Allen explore his first sunflower
38. Listen to Elizabeth sing a little song about flowers
39. Seeing the excitement on Elizabeth's face when she sees a new flower
40. Taking time to stop and smell the roses ~*~At this point, on taking time to stop and smell the flowers... One of the blessings in disguise about the not having a car right now... The children and I walk almost everywhere. In walking, we are passing so many awesome things. It is a JOY to be able to slow down and actually stop and smell the flowers and enjoy all the wonderful things there are to enjoy ~*~
41. Coffee with Suze in the mornings
42. Talking on the phone with Shelia for hours
43. Breakfast & Coffee with Kerry
44. IM'ing with Dorothy all afternoon :)
45. Spending the afternoon with friends
46. Church on Sunday morning
47. Talking with Mark
48. Bantering with Chris
49. BBQ's with friends and Family
50. Spending time with friends
51. Prayer time
52. Meditation time
53. Singing as if no one is listening
54. Dancing with my broom as I clean the kitchen
55. Reading a book I really enjoy
56. Scrapbooking
57. Photography
58. Crafting with my girls
59. Bible Study Group
60. Journaling
61. Sitting down to a big juicy steak dinner
62. Baking a cake
63. Slicing into a watermelon
64. Sharing a peanut butter and jelly sammich with Elizabeth :)
65. Waking up to the smell of fresh coffee brewing
66. A cup of hot tea after the kids are in bed
67. Dunking cookies in milk
68. Enjoying all the fruits of summer
69. Having dinner someone else cooks and cleans up after
70. A special someone bringing me breakfast in bed
71. The sound of someone else washing my dishes
72. The aroma of fresh bread baking
73. Walking into a sparkling clean kitchen
74. Opening a fridge filled with yummy fresh foods
75. Cupboards full of good food
76. Sitting at the table with family for meals
77. Sitting at the table for coffee with friends
78. Fresh Cut flowers on the table
79. Scrumptious Essential Oil simmering in the simmer pot
80. Crawling in between cool sheets on a warm summer evening
81. Laying my head on a soft pillow frangranced with lavendar
82. Drifting off to sleep with my little guy snuggled up with me
83. Opening up the mail to find an unexpected bit of money
84. Getting a letter from an old friend
85. Sending a card to a good friend
86. Listening to uplifting music
87. Slipping into a bubble bath and relaxing for an hour
88. Getting a great hair cut
89. Finding the perfect dress
90. Finding the perfect shoes to go with the perfect dress
91. Putting on a pair of jeans that fit like a glove
92. Cuddling with the cat
93. Playing fetch with the neighbor's dog
94. Folding clothes fresh out of the dryer
95. Feeling the wind in my hair
96. Watching the face of a friend light up when I can do something special for them
97. Dreaming about my dream house
98. A cat nap with both of my babies snuggled up with me
99. Jeremiah 29:11
100. Remembering my Mom

There are my 100 Happy Thoughts for tonight~ Life is really good right now. Hope you take my challenge and make your own 100 Happy Thoughts List!!!!

Visual Affirmations

I began a journey into visual affirmations~ creating slide shows that have both written affirmations and pictures to help me manifest the things in my life that I want. I am intrigued at how the thoughts go when I watch one of the slide shows.

I sat here reviewing my creations earlier this evening and I was really aware how the statements being in the present tense with pictures made it so much more real to me than just reading affirmations off a list. I am impressed with the difference.

I am looking forward to see how well this actually works. I have started off rather simply. Using things that I believe I can attain. I know that in the past when I have used positive thinking and I stretched myself beyond what I believed I could get my mind would take over and there would be negative self talk going on telling me I couldn't do it. So I learned that for me, I have to have affirmations that I believe in. Start small and build up to bigger things as I achieve each step.

Along with the visual affirmation slides I am also employing the use of what I call memo's...

Using a program that is available on the internet, I am sending myself emails that contain an affirmation in the headline. So even if I do not open the email to see the picture that goes with it, I will be reading the affirmation when I open my email account.

I am really excited to watch my life get better as I work this program~

In addition to this I got this really awesome email from a program I signed up for a while back. I posted the whole email on my Joyful Life Blog. But in a nut shell it talks about Zero Balance Gratitude. Zero Balance Gratitude means starting each day off with a clean slate. No expectations of "better" than yesterday things happen. It gives the little blessings in life a whole new perspective.

Combining my new affirmation process with zero balance gratitude...

I am working on attracting several different things into my life with my positive affirmations. What I get today may be different than what I get tomorrow. So, if I am looking at say family time as the affirmation... I will watch my slide show in the morning. There it is in living colour, the things I want to attract. Then as the day progresses, anytime I have an interaction with one of my family members that is in line with my affirmations even if it is LITTLE because I have started with zero balance gratitude I will be able to recognize each little achievement that gets me in the direction of my goal.

With that... I am off to get a little sleep~ hope you all have a GREAT day and I'll write more soon!

My Family

Good Morning!

Good Morning! Ok so it is like still the middle of the night but I am awake for some off the wall reason and I am not going back to sleep... so here I am.

I had really good day today~ Started this morning with my little guys home teacher coming over. She had some great stuff to share about some games and stuff to do with him to encourage development. You can read more about this in his blog tomorrow when I post some of what we talked about there.

After teacher left, Elizabeth and I had a blast making these funfusion craft things. Little beads that you put on these little boards and then iron to fuse them together and walla little trinkets. We had fun playing with them. Joshua even had fun making one later when he came over.

After our craft time we just lazed around playing little games and singing songs that we found on the internet. We did an internet search for church songs for Elizabeth and she had a lot of fun with that. She even drew some pictures to go with a couple of the songs. I am suppose to print out the songs so she can make a song book for herself.

So that was pretty much our day... just me and the two kids playing together, Josh stopping by for a bit and visiting. Eugene popping in for 5 minutes before heading off again...

Really a good day... so why am I awake at gawd aweful thirty in the middle of the night not able to sleep?

Well...

Tonight before she went to bed, my little one was snuggling up. She asked me "Mommy, do you think I'll ever see Daddy again?" My heart hurt for her. I told her that I didn't think so, at least not until she was all grown up. She asked if he would hurt her if she saw him before she grew up. This is such a balancing act...

I told her that I didn't know if he would or not. But that he done something that hurt other kids so that I couldn't let him be around her because of that. She pulled away from our cuddle and said "I hate him". Tears welled up and my chest hurt so much when she said that. Because I think I understand exactly what she is talking about.

I told her that it was ok to be angry with him and asked her if she knew why she was mad at him. She is mad because he hurt other children, she is mad because he went to jail, she is mad because she can't see him ever again. As she talked I could hear the pain in her voice. She has been so quiet about this situation for the most part. But I was told to let her be and let her come to me when she was ready. That is what I have done.

I told her that I was very sorry that he did what he did and that she was hurt because of it. She asked me again why he did it. I don't know WHY. Because he is sick. Of course that answer isn't going to help her. Again a balancing act. I asked her if she knew that when she threw her clothes on the floor it made me upset? She said yes. I asked her if she threw her clothes on the floor anyway. She said yes. I asked her if she knew why she threw her clothes on the floor if she knew I was going to get mad at her.

The look on her face was enough. She doesn't know why. I told her, just like she didn't know why she did things that she knew she shouldn't do, he knew that too and just like she did the naughty things he did. She was smart enough to know that throwing clothes on the floor isn't as bad as whatever he did (she still doesn't know the extent of what he did) and she said as much.

I did the best I could to explain that sometimes people will do things they know are wrong to do and sometimes even hurt other people when they are doing wrong things. I told her that anytime we do something we know we aren't suppose to do, we have to be responsible for it. Clothes on the floor, hitting people, not doing homework, not listening to mom... anytime we do something like that there is a consequence. Sometimes the consequence is just getting yelled at and sometimes it is being on restriction.

She understood what I was talking about. She is still mad at him. I told her that her being mad is ok. I told her it was also ok that she missed him and still loved him. She is really struggling with the conflicting emotions she is having.

All I wanted to do was make it all go away for her. I know I can't. She has to work through it at her own pace.

We had snuggled back up and she asked me if I thought Grandma was watching over her. I told her I thought so. She told me that Grandma would be really mad at Daddy. I agreed with her. She said she thinksGrandma might haunt him. I laughed and told her maybe. She said that Grandma would because he hurt us and Grandma would protect us. I figure if it helps my baby to think that Grandma is haunting him so that she can cope.. let her.

Now back to why I am awake...

I had fallen asleep. Allen woke up, waking me up. I gathered him up to nurse him and the look on his face... it was so much like his Dad. I caught myself with tears slipping down as Allen ate.

How unfair is it to my children that this man made the choices he made and that they are going to suffer all there lives because of his choices. Totally not fair to them. The older boys struggle with wanting to get revenge because he did what he did to their sister. Katie struggles because of what he did to her. Elizabeth struggles with him not being around and I wonder if he did anything to her???? She hasn't disclosed anything but she is so mad at him... and then little Allen.

He will never know his father. Never get to play ball with him. Never go on a fishing trip with him. Never even see him as long as he is a child if I have anything to say about it. That stupid man VIOLATED children while I was pregnant with his son and his son pays...

I know bottom line is I am the responsible. I should have never even got involved with the man. I know that I am the one that will have to live with that mistake the rest of my life and my son will be the one who suffers the repercussions of my stupidity. Never do I wish he wasn't here, but I do wish with all my heart the situation could have been different.

There is no justification for what choices I made. I did it and I have to live with those consequences and it hurts my heart to know that my children hurt because of my stupidity.

Life Goals

These are the major life goals in each area of my life~

1. Family:

A. Create and maintain a healthy relationship with each of my children

II. Date of completion: Before I die

B. Maintain communication with the rest of my family

II. Date of completion: Before I die

2. Financial:

A. Have a savings account that is equivilant to 3 months income

II. Date of completion: Aug. 2010

B. Have a working budget that covers every penny of income

II. Date of completion: Ongoing

OK there is more and I am going to do my best to get back and get it in here tonight... but I have a teething little person who really needs his mommy's full atttention...

Good Evening Friends!

I wanted to take a minute and share with you friends what I have been up to today.

Yesterday I created the video to help me focus on the things I want in my life. So today I took some time to do some goal setting in written form. I am really enjoying having a chance to focus on what I want and desire to have in my life.

My mentor was especially helpful with this process today. She reminded me just how important it is that when I set a goal (have a dream) that I also look at how I can make the dreams happen. I am excited tonight looking at all this.

My goals and Dreams~ my Mentor suggested that I put together a written list that was pretty complex. Her idea is to take each major area of life and set the "Life" goal in that area. The Life goal would be something that I would want to know I accomplished before I pass on from this world. Then she said under each Life goal do a brain storming session to figure out how I would know I reached the goal. Make it measurable.

Then from the brainstorming session, knowing what the goal is, what it would look like when I acheive it, then figure out how long it will take me to reach it. Again make it measurable. Also by setting a deadline so to speak, as she pointed out, I would be accountable at least to myself if no one else in reaching the life goal. One of the things she pointed out was that there may be some goals that never have a completion date. Especially in the area of family relationships. Obviously if you set a Life goal to have a healthy relationship with someone, even when you "reach" the goal (assuming there has been some dysfunction in the relationship) it is going to take ongoing effort to keep the relationship healthy. Her suggestion for this type of Life goal really gave me chills...

She said if for example my goal is to have a healthy relationship with my children. She said to break it down to each individule child since each of them is unique and what makes a healthy relationship with one could be all wrong for one of the others. So she used my daughter as the example:

LIFE GOAL: Healthy Relationship with Katie by the time I die.

DAILY GOAL: In person or by technology tell Katie daily that I love her and assure her that she is important to me.

WEEKLY GOAL: Make myself available to Katie for a period of no less than 15 minutes for her to share with me things important to her.

MONTHLY GOAL: Share one day together in person or through technology doing something together that we both agree on.

YEARLY GOAL: Katie and I attend an activity or event together that nurishes our mother daughter relationship.

Now here is where the chill came from...

By setting the goal "By the time I die" this means it is something that I need to start on RIGHT NOW and never waiver from even for just one day since we never know when we will die. It gives the goal real teeth. I am excited about this!

I haven't done the brainstorming yet~ I had a busy afternoon playing with babies that prevented me from getting down to it. But I have a plan and I will be holding myself accountable and be posting my LIFE GOALS in each area by 11:59pm on Tuesday August 11th. Watch for the post!

Fantastic Idea!

This is an example of a shoe organizer planter.

With apartment living the opportunity to have a garden is very limited.

This idea is PERFECT to grow herbs in the kitchen!

And with shoe organizers coming in so many colors different fabrics and plastics

there are plenty of types to chose from to fit your design style!

I am looking forward to being able to do this myself in my very own kitchen!

The Video

A friend Suggested that I make a "movie" of things I am wanting in my life and watch it twice a day. So the slide below is my attempt at that. I do not know if it is exactly what she was talking about, however I am willing to give it a try and see if it might help me create my dream.

To give each of the slides a bit of background~

The first is a wonderful one to me~ the cup of coffee with my name in it. Coffee is my biggest vice and something that I identify with. So the start of the slide tells me that this is FOR me.

The next one is about making dreams come true.

Next is the Blue House~ the blue house is a dream home for me. I want a victorian style home with a white picket fence. A home big enough for my family to gather in and for friends to join us too.

Then is the check from GOD~ this check is giving me my house directly from GOD.

Our Garden is the next slide. This is a place in the yard of our home for me to escape to and enjoy. I dream of beautiful flowers and an outdoor sanctuary for me.

The next slide is a reminder that I can make this all happen.

A Poem about home is the next slide

Rejoice with your Family is next and this one reminds me that my focus really is my family. It leads the way for the Next slide which is a dinner table set with a scrumptious meal. This is one for me to make family dinners happen again.

The Thousand Dollar Bill comes next~ this is to remind me that money does help make all the things I dream of possible.

Again a family reminder to keep my focus where it belongs.

The next two slides are about friendship. As important as family is, friends rank right up there with them. Friends are important to me and I want to remember to cultivate those friendships.

The next two slides are about giving money and gifts to friends and family. This is to remind me that I am responsible to share with friends and family what I receive.

Lunch with friends again reminds me to cultivate the relationships with friends as does the following slide.

The next five slides are to help me bring a partner into my life. A soul mate. Someone to share my life with.

The next two are for marriage. Because I want to be right with GOD and not just live with my partner. I want to be married.

The next slide is a reminder that I can make this all come into my life.

Then the next two are money and the Jag. Money to get the Jag and the Jag because it is my dream car. I really want one!

And the final three slides are about my writing and journaling. Something that is important to me and that I want to make sure I continue to do it.

Now I begin the daily watching of the video and do the footwork that needs to happen and see what happens.

Check it out!

Sensational Sunday Morning!!!!

Good Morning Friends and Family!!!! Come share a morning cup of coffee with me and join me in my rambelings.

It is a beautiful morning~ the air outside is crisp and despite the fires there is still a morningrific smell out there! When I stepped out with my first cup of coffee this morning I felt invigorated and really blessed.

After a week of insomnia that kept me awake most of the night, last night I was back to my old routine of getting good sleep and waking bright and early in the morning. This is my favorite way to start any day. To get up with the sun (or a little before) and have that couple of hours to myself before the babies get up.

Yesterday, the kids and I made several trips out and into the world. Lots of interactions with family, friends and church folks along with some fun just playing. I am excited and energized today in part to all the great things that happened yesterday.

My son is home! After being away for 6 months, he arrived home yesterday. It was so good to see the boy! He may be 21 (22 in just a months time) but he is still my baby. He is looking good, other than he REALLY needs a haircut. I am grateful that he is back and happy that he will be for a while. I know that his being home is only for a few months and soon he will be of on his next adventure in far off places, but just for today I will be happy he is here.

As soon as my Katie gets home from her Dad's we will all be going to get a family portrait done. I am SO excited about that! I honestly thought when Eugene left for Missouri that I would never have the chance to get a family poicture done with all my babies together. One of the sad parts about having children so far apart in age. But for the next few months I will have all 6 of my kids close by. The older 3 may not be in my home, however they are close enough that I will get to see them on a regular basis and have an opportunity to start a family tradition that hopefully will give them all some good memories.

We are going to start having dinner together once a week. Actually we have been doing it already but of course Eugene and often Katie were missing. In a couple of weeks it will be all of us~ table for 7 please

Well I better get going to get ready for church! Have a busy day planned ahead and I am excited to get going!

Church first, then home where a friend will be joining us, after lunch I think the plan is to take the little ones swimming at the river. Nice thing about having another grown up hanging around, I have some help with the kids so that they both can go swimming. Allen loves the water as long as Mommy is holding him close to her. He is not so fond of it when one of the brothers or sister takes him because they don't hold him close. Elizabeth has become a pretty good swimmer but I have to keep a close eye on her because she thinks she is a better swimmer than she really is and will get herself out too far. So taking both kids into the water at the same time when I am alone is tough.

After swimming, it is home to get ready for our camping trip tomorrow. 2 days, 1 overnight, out in the woods! It has been YEARS since I took a baby camping so I have a load of stuff to try and remember along with all our regular stuff. I have my handy dandy list and all I need to do is get it all packed up. My friend should be here around 8 in the morning to load us all up in his jeep and we are off to Bucks Lake!

So I am outta here for a couple of days! Hope everyone has a FANTABULOUS Sunday! See you soon!

I got this tonight from a friend~ the check says pay to the order of me and says one home perfect for her family with a white picket fence and yard. How totally cool is that? My griend knows that I want to get out of this apartment~ although it is ok it is a little small, especially with my older children returning home after having moved off.

I have always dreamed of a house with a white picket fence.... Here would be one that would be a dream come true!

My friend has been trying to get me to dream BIG~ to stop my limiting thinking and let my imagination take me to my future. It has been something that I have struggled with. I catch myself "settling". I limit how far I can go with something by a lot of unintentional negative self talk.

I am TONS better about this than I was just a few years ago. Mostly becuase of my journey with positive/happy thinking. Where 3 years ago when I started the positive thinking journey, I had maybe 20% of my day that was focused positive thinking today I am seeing that more than 75% of my day is focused positive thinking.

BUT~

As my friend pointed out~ I will only let myself go so far with positive thinking and limit myself even more when it comes to bringing new things into my life. I know that this is in part because I really do not like change. I am uncomfortable with the unknown and will stay stuck where I am to avoid having to reach out into a unknown world.

Like with moving... I convinced myself to wait on the move. Even though I was excited about the prospect of moving to Savanah, even though it was such a wonderful opportunity and would have been fantastic, I convinced myself that I needed to stay here for a while. I had a million excuses why moving right now wasn't a good idea. Now, because my children need stability above and beyond anything else, I will be staying here at least until next June.

Part of me is relieved at that. Because I do not like change and this year has been so full of changes. Yet there is a part of me whistful that I didn't take the leap and go.

So my friend, giving me encouragement said to me~ rather than focusing on the WHERE of where I wanted to move and live, focus on the house I want. She said get it all out on paper. Make a detailed list of all the must haves and make them as real to me as I possibly can. She said use pictures and paint verbal pictures and really see how my family and I will live in the house. She told me not limit my thinking with "I can't afford that" "How will I keep it up" "There isn't anything like that around here"... no excuses. If I want a stainglass window in the bathroom put it there in my dream house even if someone else might think it silly.

So I promised her that over the next few days I am going to create my house in my mind~ and then get it wrote out and seek out some pictures to go with it and make a webpage just for my dream house. So hang in with me and sometime in the next few days I should be posting a link for the website and share with you my dream house (which by the way really will have a stainglass window in the bathroom)

Been Busy

I spent most of last night and this morning rearrainging my front room so that I can move on to my bedroom and create my sanctuary. I still have a small amount to finish in the front room. I need to make my curtains~ I picked out the fabric!

This is the fabric I chose to make my curtains. I am going to make them a simple panel with a gold rope tie back and pulling the yellow colour from the fabric make matching sheers to go under the panels. I am so excited about them!

Then for the dining set, I am looking at a fantastic brocade

to cover the seats and make a couple of place mats out of.

Here is what I have been working on in the livingroom~

It isn't perfect, but I am feeling pretty good that it is a nice open feeling and has lots of space for my little man to start crawling and walking in. I'll get the curtains done, the dining chairs done and then this room will be feeling home like and comfortable.

Then it is into my bedroom!!!! To create my sanctuary~