Things have been rather intrersting for me in 2010. Not in a bad way, in a curiously good way. As I have wrote before, I am dating several different guys at the moment.
One will not be dated any more because although I enjoy his company for short periods of time, he lacks the fun spirit that I really need. My daughter describes him as the old man on the street who yells at the children for walking on his lawn.
I am learning, if a guy has the "red flags" then you have to walk away BEFORE things get any deeper. So although he and I will still be friends there will be nothing more.
The other guy I have been seeing has been an ass the last few days. Or perhaps I have been a bitch? Anyway, things have been really uneasy between us. He attempted to push the dating to sexual activity. I am so not there yet. In the past, yeah I probably would have. But I realize that for me, today, that is no longer the life I want to live. Actually I have known that for a long time...
Back when my son's father started making the move on me... I knew it then. I knew it was wrong, I knew it would not turn out good. But I thought maybe, just maybe, because I loved him... OK so lesson learned. Loving someone is not reason to violate your own values. In fact someone who would ask you to violate your values for love is probably not someone you should be with.
With this guy, it is a lot easier. Although i like him, it is just that, LIKE. He has some characteristics that are fun and I enjoy his company but I don't love him so saying WHOA back off is easy. But it has caused tension...
I am not sure if I will continue to talk to him... I will have to see how his attitude is today.
Then there is the quiet guy. WoW! So he makes my heart flutter a little. Not sure why. He has been ultra conservative about boundries. Not even holding my hand yet. We have talked a lot and learned a bit about eachother. He has made some poor choices in the past and seems to understand that past choices are not a relflection of current events. He intrigues me. He doesn't need to be rescued, his life is pretty stable. I don't know... and of course because this is all new to me, I am a bit confused. I do not ever remember dating someone who didn't try to put the moves on after the 3rd or 4th date. Men in my life have been slimy. This guy... he isn't slime.
Of course as I go through all of this, my mind is thinking... so what really is wrong with him if I am attracted to him? Is he a pedophile? Is he a drug addicted hiding his addiction? Is he a seriel murderer? Really~ these are questions I ask myself just because I am interested in him. Seems like all the guys I have EVER been interested in have had something REALLY wrong with them.
So that is where I am right now in the dating department... I am curious to see how things go. It has been fun and I am looking forward to the future.
Then there is our living situation~
So last year, Mom died we had to move. We moved to the little 2 bedroom apartment. Great for me and the 2 babies. Then all the kids came home. So we moved to this place. Certainly bigger and more comfortable but not what I want for us for long term. So by summer I want to move again... The kids and I had entertained thoughts of moving out of the area. But honestly, this is home and none of us really want to leave. At least not right at the moment.
I have been looking at some of the 3 bedrooms around town. I really would like to be able to get a 4 bedroom but don't think I will be able to. Or maybe a 3 bedroom with a "bonus" room? Although Allen still sleeps with me, in the next few months that will start to deminish and he will need his own room. The girls, with their age and interest differences are totally not able to share a room. So Allen will have to be in one of their rooms or in my room in his own bed. What ever way it works out I have to keep that all in mind as I look for our new home.
I promised Katie that it would be my last move until she is 18. So it has to be a home that is comfortable and has the space we need and is at a cost we can afford. I am looking and see a few that fit our criteria... so hoping that by summer there will be the "perfect" place.
Another interesting bit has been Katie living with me. I lost custody of the child in 2003. From that point on all I had was a few hours a week visitation. "Visiting" is a whole lot different than 24/7 parenting. This chiold is strong willed, opinionated, and quite the narccissist. She has expectations that the world will revolve around her wants and desires and is shocked if things do not happen that way.
She has been a handful. Both of us have had to make adjustments to make this whole thing work. I am excited about her being here still and she and I have settled into something of a routine. She is really an amazing kid. She is bright and has so many good qualities. I am happy to be at a point where I am able to guide her through the next few years into adulthood. It isn't going to be easy and she will provide me with lots of moments of testing the boundries...
But it is with anticipation of good things that I look to the future..