Random Thoughts...

Interesting that I haven't posted here in so long... of course mostly because life has been good. Most of my hypergraphia occurs during periods of depression. When life is comfortable it is as if the urge to write wans and I am content reading instead of writing... wierdo I know.

So my random thoughts for the day...

I was contemplating things with my little house today. I officially do not like this house. I am overwhelmed by all the little things in it that just don't work right. I dislike that it does not function with our family. Now I know it is in part because we are dysfunctional as a whole... but most of this is just the way the house is designed. It was not built to house 7 people of various ages, both sex's with multiple interests and hobbies. It just does not work for us.

So my random thought for the day is HOW do we get out of this house and into a bigger, more efficient home for our little family????

Life is so...

1 Corinthians 10:13
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

A rather interesting thought came to me tonight...

I was struggling with a situation, knowing what the right thing was to do but really wanting to do the wrong thing. It wasn't to be disobediant to God that was I considering the wrong thing. It was because it felt better than doing the right thing. In doing the wrong thing, I would have been receiving the things I felt missing.

In the end, I knew I had to do the right thing.

I love God so very much and I want to do what is right in His eyes, so I knew that if I gave into the temptation to do the wrong thing, God would be hurt and other people could be hurt as well.

The way out of the temptation I was feeling was simple ~ just turn away and go focus on the good in my life instead of the negative in my life.

I have been convicted in my heart of the truth of Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

It is in focusing on these things that our lives are made perfect and whole.

In 2 Corinthians 10:5 it tells us "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

It is truth that if we focus on the positives in our lives, take our thoughts and make them obedient to Christ, it takes away the control Satan has in our life to tempt us.

1 John 4:7-19

1 John 4:7-19

God's Love and Ours

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because he first loved us.

Just some random thoughts

Being confident of this,

that he who began a good work in you

will carry it on to completion

until the day of Christ Jesus.

Phillipians 1:6

I am a mighty woman of God in the making~ Transformation is going on in my life every day. The Potter has been busy forming me into the person God wants me to be. All that I have been through, it all is bringing me closer to the person God wants me to be, to do his work in this world.

Challenges

Thought for the Day:

“The challenges of our lives can push us away from God

or

they can draw us towards Him.

They become a test of our faith

and truly reveal the amount of our trust in Him.”

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

—Psalm 37:3-6

I sat here thinking~ it isn't so much the trials and tribulations in life that affect my trust~ for me it seems when things are falling apart I have to really on and trust God that all will turn out. For me the challenge in trusting God comes when things are going good.

I am inclined to not pray as often, try and be in control more often, not seek God and His plan and attempt to do my own thing.

In the middle of "trials", or what people traditionally think of as trials, I have no problem trusting God and relinquishing control. It is during those times that I KNOW just how small I am and how dependent on God I am.

My trials, my challenge, comes during periods of peace and prosperity.

I wonder, as I sit here this morning, if perhaps one of the reasons I have had to deal with so many situations where the only choice I had was to put it in God's hands is because of how I try to take the good stuff into my own hands... interesting thought to ponder on.

Today I am going to try and turn it ALL good and bad and inbetween over to the care of God, trusting Him to make all things right...

Working on Resentments and Judgements and Stuff

Today I found myself working on resentments and judgements and really having to face some stuff that I thought I had faced once already but obviously given the thoughts I had today I haven't dealt with all the way.

This last week at Community Church, the children of our community participated in Vacation Bible School. A totally awesome program for sure. Then as I sat there, I felt resentment boiling up in me. I was angry and bitter. One of the people chosen to be a leader was a person who concealed and protected a child preditor. While the law did not go after her, because she eventually did the right thing~ still there was the fact that she did NOTHING for weeks (perhaps months depending on what story you believe) and hid what she had seen to protect the man who damaged so many lives.

As I sat watching her stand in front of the congregation with the children, I felt the anger rising in me like vomit. It was frustrating to sit there. I felt like there was something wrong with the leadership of the church that allowed this person to stand at the front of the church like that, to watch our children... she protected someone who harmed children in the past... what is to stop her from doing it again in the future?

She was a supposed Christian, attending church, asking the church to pray for restoration of her relationship with the person she was protecting, all the while allowing the person to have unsupervised contact with children, her own grandchild, while she knew who and what he was. What is to say she won't do it in the future?

Is it wrong to harbor the resentment in my heart? That the church permits this person to be in leadership?

It is~ I know it is. I need to let it go and let God deal with the heart of this woman and the heart of the church and it's leadership. I have gone to God in prayer, praying for the power to do what God requires in this situation and STOP trying to understand any of it because it is beyond my understanding.

My awesome husband pointed out to me that once a person has saught forgiveness, forgiveness is given by God. The sin is as far from God as the east is to the west. And so, trying to judge the person on human terms violates what God has told us to do. I know I have to let this go... I know it.

Man this is just eating away at me... I have to get to a place of peace with this...

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many

Hebrews 12:15

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I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Matthew 12:36-37

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Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
Psalm 1:1-2

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if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14

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For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15

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Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Colossians 3:12-13

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Friends, BBQ's, and Life in general

First, yesterday was a most amazing day ~ One of the local churchs put on a Praise and Worship in the Park. It was just awesome~ the day was full of friends and family all together singing, eating and celebrating the Lord together. I was so blessed. 6 hours with some totally awesome folks and great worship a good food as well.

Then this morning we were off to church at Community Church~ this was a special program. The children (my precious Elizabeth was part of it) from VBS sang for us and really were just wonderful. Pastor Rick spoke about the children and the Bible things that the children learned about this last week at VBS. Really cool.

After service was a BBQ with the congregation gathered together. This too was a good time. Caught up with a couple of friends I hadn't seen in a while, summer being such a busy time. It was really a blessing to visit with one of the girls that use to live with me. She is growing so much in the Lord and her family is being restored. I feel blessed to be part of her life.

Now I am home, resting and relaxing~ getting things ready to head to Oregon to pick my daughter up from her visit with her Daddy. She has had an amazing visit and enjoyed herself a whole lot. She got to be there when her Daddy got married and be part of the celebrations.

Some Bible Verses

Deut 7:9 Know therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, which keeps covenant and mercy with them that love Him and keeps His commandments to a thousand generations.

Deut 33:27 The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and He shall thrust out the enemy from before you; and shall say, “Destroy them.”

Ps 5:12 For You, Lord, will bless the righteous; with favour will you compass him as with a shield.

Ps 16:8,9 I have set the Lord always before me: because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my tongue rejoices: my body also shall dwell secure.

Ps 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life;of whom shall I be afraid.

Ps 30:7 Lord, by your favour you have made my mountain to stand strong:

Ps 44:3 For they did not get the land in possession by their own sword, neither did their own arm save them: but your right hand, and your arm, and the light of your countenance, because you had a favour towards them.

Ps 56:9 When I cry to You, then shall my enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me.

Ps 68:28 Your God has commanded your strength: strengthen,O God, that which You have wrought for us.

Ps 71:16 I will go in the strength of the Lord God: I will make mention of Your righteousness, even of Yours only.

Ps 89:17 For You are the glory of their strength: and in Your favour our horn shall be exalted.

Ps 102:13 You shall arise, and have mercy upon Zion: for the time to favour her, yes, the set time, is come.

Ps 103:4,5 The Lord redeems your life from destruction. He crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercies. The Lord satisfies your mouth with good things; so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Ps 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.

Pro 4:20,21,22 My son, attend to My words; incline your ear to My sayings. Let them not depart from your eyes; keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those that find them, and health to all their flesh.

Pro 16:7 When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

Ezk 36:9 For, behold, I am for you, and I will turn to you, and you shall be tilled and sown.

Is 45:13 I have raised him up in righteousness, and 1 will direct all his ways: he shall build my city, and he shall let go my captives, not for price or reward, says the Lord of Hosts.

Is 50:4 The Lord God has given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary: He wakens morning by morning, He wakens my ear to hear as the learned.

Is 51:16 And I have put My words in your mouth, and I have covered you in the shadow of My hand, that I may plant the heavens, and lay the foundations of the earth, and say to Zion, “You are My people.”

Is 58:10 And if you draw out your soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall your light rise in obscurity, and your darkness be as the noon day.

Jn 10:10b I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Rom 8:32 He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

1Cor 1:5 That in everything you are enriched by Him, in all utterance and in all knowledge.

1Cor 15:10 But by the grace of God I am what I am: and His grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.

1Cor 1:30 But of God are you in Christ Jesus, who of God is made to us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption.

2Cor 3:5,6 Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think anything as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; Who also has made us able ministers of the New Testament; not of the letter, but of the Spirit: for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

2Cor 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work.

2Cor 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.

1Jn 4:4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world.

James 4:10
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Good Monday Morning! It is another wonderful day here in my little corner of the world! The sun is shining, birds are singing, and life is good~ God has so blessed me...

Deuteronomy 28 (New King James Version)

Blessings on Obedience

“Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the LORD your God will set you high above all nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God:“Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country.
“Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks.“Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl.“Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.
“The LORD will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before your face; they shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways.
“The LORD will command the blessing on you in your storehouses and in all to which you set your hand, and He will bless you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you.
“The LORD will establish you as a holy people to Himself, just as He has sworn to you, if you keep the commandments of the LORD your God and walk in His ways. Then all peoples of the earth shall see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they shall be afraid of you. And the LORD will grant you plenty of goods, in the fruit of your body, in the increase of your livestock, and in the produce of your ground, in the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers to give you. The LORD will open to you His good treasure, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season, and to bless all the work of your hand. You shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow. And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and are careful to observe them. So you shall not turn aside from any of the words which I command you this day, to the right or the left, to go after other gods to serve them.

For years I have known that something was wrong with my Christian walk~ I lacked humility to know that all good things came from God, I thought I had control over my life, I felt justified in doing wrong things... I went ahead and did my own thing. I believed in Christ and the sacrafice made for me, I believed in God and all that has been written in His word. I just failed miserably at following anything that was written... I would tell people not to count me as a Christian because I knew I was not in alignment with what God wanted me to be in my life.

Today I still struggle with these things. But... I am better than I was. I am learning to submit myself to the Lord and to humble myself to do what God requires. I am learning to be obedient to God and follow the path He wants me on. Learning to live in love as He has instructed. While I am no where near the person that I know God is creating me to be, I know today, finally I am on the path to being pleasing to God and to recieve all the blessings that God wants to give.

Already I have been blessed beyond any thing I deserved~

Now I am off to do the next thing God is requiring of me... I'll be back later with more thoughts...

Honor the Lord with your wealth
and with the firstfruits of all your produce;
then your barns will be filled with plenty,
and your vats will be bursting with wine.—Proverbs 3:9-10
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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.—Romans 15:13
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The blessing of the Lord makes rich,
and he adds no sorrow with it.—Proverbs 10:22
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And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. —Matthew 6:28-33
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Give God Your Brokenness

Give God Your Brokenness




You long to heal the inner man
Where we are bruised and scarred
The memories of the hurts we have
Still linger from the past

We need to give the past to you
So you can begin to mend
The brokenness within our souls
To bring wholeness once again

Lord you see the deepest part
Where others cannot see
And only you can feel the pain
That’s there inside of me

Lord you saw what I went through
You held each tear I cried
You wanted then to show yourself
To pour your love inside

I couldn’t see you reaching out
I didn’t know you were there
I felt so very much alone
I didn’t know you cared

But now as I look back I see
You cared about my life
When I was in my darkest times
You were there by my side

So help me now to reach to you
To know you so much more
To really know the depth of your love
To know you as my Lord

© By M.S.Lowndes

Wonderful website where I found this poem: http://www.heavensinspirations.com/

from mother teresa

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

Ephesians 3
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Isaiah 43:1-3

Isaiah 43:1-3

1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.

Conversations with God

God what glorifies you?

1 Corinthians 10:31 (New King James Version)
Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Psalm 50:23 (New King James Version)
Whoever offers praise glorifies Me; And to him who orders his conduct aright I will show the salvation of God.

John 15:8 (New King James Version)
By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.

Prayer and Praise, Worship, our actions, the way we live all these things glorify our Father...

I sat thinkin on these things today. I want to be in a different position with my Father than I have been~ I know that there are decisions in my life that I have made that were made for selfish reasons. They were not made to glorify God...

Today I want to be in a different position, I want to come to God with all my choices being done to glorify HIM. I know that in order to get to the relationship I want with my Father, I have to put my self to the side.




Holy Fire burn away,
my desire for anything
that is not of you and is of me.
I want more of you and less of me.

Holy Fire burn away,
my desire for anything
that is not of you and is of me,
I want more of you and less of me, yeah.
Empty me,
Empty me, yeah,
Fill, won't you fill me,
with you, with you, yeah.

Holy Fire, burn away,
my desire for anything
that is not of you and is of me.
I want more of you and less of me, yeah.
Empty me,
Empty me, yeah.
Fill, won't you fill me, with you, with you, empty me now.

Well won't you empty me, well won't you empty me now. repeat x2
I want more, I want more, I want more of you, Jesus.
I want more, I want more, oh.
Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus, oh yeah,
Thank you, Jesus, yeah.
Holy Fire, Holy Fire, Holy Fire, Holy Fire.

Empty me~ my lifeis no longer my own. My life is God's to be used as HE choses. I set aside my desires and listen to what GOD wants me to do in this life...

Reflections on some things going on

Psalm 71:20-21
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,

you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

Recently I was put in a position where I had to make a decision between two of my children~ One child was making choices in life that were detrimental to himself and to people around him. The other child was trying to be therefor his brother and love him and accept him where he was. One night the older brother became very angry at the world and proceeded to lash out. When he found no satisfaction in hurting people physically, he then turned and destroyed everything in his younger brothers home.

My children called me to come see if I could do anything with this child. So I went to my younger son's home not sure what I would find. As I drove up I saw shattered windows and shattered furniture. My heart stood still for a moment as I thought that this could be much worse than the children lead me to believe on the phone.

I walked into my sons home, shacking at the thought of what could be awaiting me. As I entered, my daughter was there and I could see more demolition that had been done in my son's home. I could not see either of my boys and scared I was yelling where was my younger son? I could hear my oldest son screaming in another room and I began to head that direction when I was told my younger son was in the other room.

So I went to the room my younger son was in and saw even more desecration to his home. My son sat, his head in his hands, devistated. He could not believe what his brother had done to him and his home. Physically although shaken and a few small bruises he was ok~ so I went to find his brother.

My son, he was out of control, he was blaming everyone for his actions. Went so far to tell me that I was at fault for it because I gave birth to him. My heart hurt for this boy. Yet I knew that at that point, all I could do is get him out of the house and away from his siblings for their safety and his too. I kept repeating to him to leave. He kept coming at me telling me I couldn't make him.

Finally I made the decision to call the police.

It hurt to call on my own son~ I know he hates me and blames me. Yet I also know that I did the right thing for the right reasons and that I would do it again.

Isaiah 58:11
The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail.

The Lord will guide me~ I don't know about you, but for me this is like a major big deal thing. I have such a difficult time time "knowing" the right thing to do. But if I relinquish control to GOD, well then an awesome thing happens. HE sets me on the path He desires me to be on and things become so much better in my life.

His word says that I will be like a watered garden... how beautiful is that? I think of the lush spring/early summer gardens full of lush greens and amazing rainbows of colors from the flowers and the wildlife in abundance... yes indeed I would love to be like a watered garden!

Relinquish control~ give GOD the power in my life.. that is all it takes...

God is just so AWESOME!

Psalm 59:16
But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

Good Morning and welcome to my early morning random thoughts!

This morning, I do as I have been accustomed to, praying before I even open my eyes in the morning. I know this sounds a bit odd~ but once I open my eyes and shift around in bed my baby and husband also begin stirring and I may have to wait sometime before I can pray. So I start my day in prayer before I even let anyone in the house know I am awake by stirring in bed or opening my eyes.

God is just so AWESOME!

How can you not start your day praising Him? In my bedroom, the window faces east~ to me this is just so wonderful because in the early morning, the sun sends it's rays of light through my window, tickling my eyelids to open and see what a beautiful day the Lord has made for me! I am truly blessed and thankful to God for this every morning.

I cannot even begin to count all the things I have to give God praise for before I even open my eyes in the morning~ I have a comfortable bed with clean sheets, warm blankets, soft pillows. These are in a bedroom inside my home where my family and I are protected from the elements. I can hear the clock ticking next to my bed, reminding me that I have electricity. There are literally a minimum of 100 things that I could name that I have to PRAISE God for just laying in bed first thing in the morning.

Back to the start of this, I was laying in bed, saying my morning prayer, when it occured to me as I PRAISED and thanked God for my wonderful life that there are some who are not feeling God's love in their lives. Some people who are very close to my heart. How do I reach these people?

I know that whenever I am not sure about something all I need to do is ask God and He will give me the answer...

John 13:34-35 Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Thats my answer~ all I need to do is love on them~ in that way they will come to know the LORD and how amazing He is.

Good Night Thoughts

It is time for bed~ my little man is a fussy kid. My awesome husband is holding him for me to give me a break.

When Allen's father was arrested, I wondered how Allen would turn out, without a father in his life... but GOD had other plans. Because he sent this amazing man to be his father. David is so amazing with Allen.Patient and loving and just totally awesome. I could not have asked for a better father for my son. He will teach my child strong moral values, something his biological father couldn't teach him. He will teach him to be strong in the Lord, something his biological father wasn't even sure he believed in. And he will teach my son to be a strong upstanding GOOD man...

It is all in God's time nad all in Gods will and when we are in the midst of something that seems so negative, all we have to do is remind ourselves that God has a plan for us~ a plan to prosper us, to gie us a hope and a future and that is where we are to remember we are going. Through the uncertain times, it is to the future that God is taking us.

Sleep

~Some Bible Verses to help sleep~


“On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night” (Psalm 63:6).

“Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord” (Lamentations 2:19a).

“I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises” (Psalm 119:147-148).
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8).

“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared” (Proverbs 3:24-26).

“You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you” (Psalm 91:5-7).

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me” (Psalm 3:5)

“He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep” (Psalm 121:3-4).

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him” (Psalm 62:5).

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3).

“He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD” (Psalm 112:7).

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).

So tonight I have been thinking about surrendering to God's will~

But how do you know what God's will is? It is something I have struggled with. Then God showed me just how easy it is to know what His will is in my life~

1. I have to actually ASK Him what His will is in my life~ Go to God in prayer and ASK
2. Then I need to LISTEN~ God doesn't usually speak to us out loud
Instead, God tends to speak to us through our "conscious", through what we read,
through friends, sometimes even through strangers.
3. After that I need to do what He has told me to do. ACTION
4. Then go back to God in prayer to make sure I stay on the narrow path of His will.

I don't know what God's will is for me tomorrow~ I know what it is tonight. I know that I have to listen to the Holy Spirit when He speaks to me so that I am able to stay in God's will...

This whole being a Christian thing~ it isn't easy. God asks a lot of us~ we need to surrender to Him, be obediant to His word, and follow a narrow path. I finally after years of bible reading, going to church, and all that~ FINALLY I am getting it. To not be OF this world just to be in it~

I need to live in such a way that those outside the faith see there is something “different” about me. When we walk in LOVE~ when we do as God has instructed us~ there is no way that others could mistake us as being part of this world we live in. They will know we are set apart fro the world.

I still struggle~ by no means am I there yet. I still deal with things of the flesh. Wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony are still part of who I am. However I continue to go to God and work on these...

God's will is that I overcome all of these and live in the light of His word!

Peace and Tranquility

1 Peter 3:3 & 4
Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

A conversation with a friend had me thinking about this verse~ we were discussing how there are some people where, the minute you meet them, you know~ REALLY KNOW~ that they are Christians. Before they speak, before there is action... just in seeing them you know.

Their gentle and quiet spirit, that adornment of GOD is so present in their face that it doesn't require words or actions to convince you of their faith.

Then there are these folks who act as if they are Christian, they have the words, but there is a harshness about them that makes the words and actions in conflict to the appearance.

In Romans 6~ Paul talks about how as sinners we were slaves to sin but as Christians we are slaves to GOD. I sat wondering how, when I know there are these people who wholeheartedly want to be Christians and for all outward appearances seem to be doing the Christian thing but lack that something, I guess that Peace (Phil. 4:7). God's Peace...

It really had me thinking...

Paul, again in Romans 6 talks about how the "old man" is dead and a "new man" is born... so if we are new, died and born again, how is it that parts of the "old man" the sinner is still in us?

Why are there these inner conflicts between making choices for God's instruction or sin? Some of it is things we do not even make concious decision about. What comes to mind is the spirit of judgement~ when we make judgement on a situation or person. I know for me this is something I do without thought unless I am making a negative judgement and then the Holy Spirit works on me telling me not to do it.

I feel like a failure~ that I still struggle with my sinnful self instead of being set free from sin and doing only what God requires... it makes me question my salvation... is it real since I still struggle with sin?

James 1:5~ If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

So I am going to God, asking HIM to discern these things that I am conflicted by, to show me HIS truth...

Come Just as You Are

The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

The story of the butterfly

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily but
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body,
Neither happened!
In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around.
It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness
and haste did not understand:
The restricting cocoon and the struggle
required by the butterfly to get through the opening
was a way of forcing the fluid from the body
into the wings so that it would be ready
for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly
what we need in our lives.
Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.
We will not be as strong as we could have been
and we would never fly.

The story of the butterfly really hit home for me this morning~ it is like in Zachariah 13~

The Shepherd Struck, the Sheep Scattered
7 "Awake, O sword, against my shepherd,
against the man who is close to me!"
declares the LORD Almighty.
"Strike the shepherd,
and the sheep will be scattered,
and I will turn my hand against the little ones.
8 In the whole land," declares the LORD,
"two-thirds will be struck down and perish;
yet one-third will be left in it.

9 This third I will bring into the fire;
I will refine them like silver
and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
and I will answer them;
I will say, 'They are my people,'
and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' "

Today I know that all I have gone through, all that I will go through, all of it is to form me into the person God desires me to be~ all I have to do is submit to his will, go through the struggles, and become the person I will be...

Blessed as I am, I still struggle with things of the flesh and desires that are not of the heart and always the people in my life are also having these struggles~ I go forward today knowing that all this really is to make me more pleasing to my GOD!

Godly Living
1 Peter 3

1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
8 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; 9 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. 10 For, “THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.
11 “HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT.
12 “FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE TOWARD THE RIGHTEOUS, AND HIS EARS ATTEND TO THEIR PRAYER, BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL.”
13 Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? 14 But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED, 15 but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; 16 and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame. 17 For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong. 18 For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit; 19 in which also He went and made proclamation to the spirits now in prison, 20 who once were disobedient, when the patience of God kept waiting in the days of Noah, during the construction of the ark, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought safely through the water. 21 Corresponding to that, baptism now saves you—not the removal of dirt from the flesh, but an appeal to God for a good conscience—through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, 22 who is at the right hand of God, having gone into heaven, after angels and authorities and powers had been subjected to Him.

Blessings and Other Rambles

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

A general ramble today about the wonderful blessings of GOD~

Yesterday my husband and I went and looked at yet another house, another house that did not meet all the criteria we have for our new home. I was getting just a twinge of that questioning spirit when I realized...

I cannot be impatient~ this is something that will come to my family in GOD's time not mine and I need to relax until the perfect home comes to my family. I need not worry~

Therefore I say to you, Take no thought for your life, what you shall eat, or what you shall drink; nor yet for your body, what you shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

Matthew 6:25

I am confident that God will take care of this~ I am learning in this walk that there are times I struggle with giving up control and trusting GOD~ my flesh desires the illusion of having control over a situation, to have the feeling that I possess some thing that gives me some control over the outcomes of things around me...

However, I know that GOD is the only one with control and that is just ego and Satan whispering whenever I am trying to maintain control...

Love It~

He is rich or poor according to what he is, not according to what he has.

Thinking Out Loud!

So today has been a whirlwind of stuff going on~ however I have had a chance to think about stuff in my life and happening around me.

So first I had an epiphany this morning while I was in the shower~

I have been having some difficulty with a situation~ struggling with what appeared to be preferential treatment being bestowed upon some folks who are... well lack of a better word~ out there. These are people who have burned bridges with almost every support system that they have ever had. Yet there is this one lady~ a lady who I just could NOT understand.

Then in the shower, it came to me....

What a true and real blessing this woman is in these peoples lives! I was experiencing jealousy and realized that I had nothing in the world to be jealous over.

I have an amazing support system that includes family, friends, my church family, my husbands family, I could list 20 people I could call on if I needed help. I could name 5 people who would literally drop everything to be there for me if I called on them. I also have my faith to lean on...

These people that I was jealous over~ my goodness... they have no one left in their lives to be there for them. When they call needing help they get a lecture and a door closed on them. This amazing woman is one of the very few who still thinks that they are worth being there for. She is an awesome lady who is not only there for these people, she also reaches out to them before they reach to her. How awesome is that?

The LORD is truly awesome in providing for all who believe in HIM, even the ones who are really screwed up...

Just some thoughts

Luke 6:38 (New King James Version)
Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

Philippians 4:19 (Amplified Bible)
And my God will liberally supply ([a]fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 1:12 (New Living Translation)
always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light.


Proverbs 3:9-11 (New International Version)

9 Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;

10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.

11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,


John 16:21-24 (New King James Version)
21 A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. 22 Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.
23 “And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. 24 Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.

Galatians 3:22 (Amplified Bible)
But the Scriptures [picture all mankind as sinners] shut up and imprisoned by sin, so that [the inheritance, blessing] which was promised through faith in Jesus Christ (the Messiah) might be given (released, delivered, and committed) to [all] those who believe [who adhere to and trust in and rely on Him].

A Prattle About....

My amazing husband~

OK so I know that I go on and on about him~ however aside from my children, David has been one of the most amazing blessings God ever gave me. He is so patient, so loving, just an awesome and wonderful man.

I spent my entire life looking, searching, trying to find a love like this...

I sit sometimes and I wonder... what did I ever do to deserve this amazing man?

This thought got me to thinking about God a little more. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has a plan for us~ in Genesis 50 we read how Joseph tells his brothers that their evil plans were used by God for good~ Romans 8 tells us how all things work together for good.

One nigh, not long ago, my husband was telling me he wondered how our lives would have been if we had met years before...

I know that it would have been a disaster. David and I both went through life events that brought us to this place today where we could be together, happy, in love, and working on making a family together. It took life experiences to get us to this place of devotion to each other.

I know how blessed I am and just how God did bring all the bad of the past together to bless me with my husband.

What did I do to deserve this blessing?
Absolutely NOTHING!

Romans 5:8 comes to mind... God is so amazing and so wonderful that while I was still a sinner, still caught up in all the evils of the world~ HE gave HIS son as the sacrafice for my sin. GOD loved me so much even when I was at my worst that HE made provisions for me to be able to come back to HIM. John 3:16 tells me this.

So as I give thanks to my GOD today for my husband and children, I also give thanks for the even more AMAZING blessing of having given me a way to be right with HIM and to come before HIM to recieve these blessings!

My God is an AWESOME GOD!

Blessings

So today I was thinking about my husband~ I actually think about him a lot but today was a litte something different...

This week I spent some time with friends who are having issues with their partners. Expectations of being waited on, lack of empathy during some emotional turmoil, no assistance with household things, just not being phyically or emotionally available.

I realized just how blessed I am with the husband I have. He is an amazing man~

One friend was telling me how she knew that if she became injured or sick that she would have to go outside her marriage to get assistance withthe basic needs she might have and needs of the house. She knows her husband will not cook, clean, or take care of her. She says she knows she would be expected to take care of it either by doing it herself or getting someone to do it.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt if something happened to me, my husband would take care of me and that he would take care of the kids and the house. We would want for nothing in his care.

I am so blessed~

God has indeed been good to me! I have a husband who is Christian, who is all I ever wanted and then some in a husband. I cannot imagine what I did to deserve someone so awesome and amazing~ but it is with a grateful heart to GOD for my amazing husband!

Fabulous Friday!

Malachi 3
The Coming Messenger
1 “Behold, I send My messenger,
And he will prepare the way before Me.
And the Lord, whom you seek,
Will suddenly come to His temple,
Even the Messenger of the covenant,
In whom you delight.
Behold, He is coming,”
Says the LORD of hosts.
2 “ But who can endure the day of His coming?
And who can stand when He appears?
For He is like a refiner’s fire
And like launderers’ soap.
3 He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver;
He will purify the sons of Levi,
And purge them as gold and silver,
That they may offer to the LORD
An offering in righteousness.
4 “ Then the offering of Judah and Jerusalem
Will be pleasant to the LORD,
As in the days of old,
As in former years.
5 And I will come near you for judgment;
I will be a swift witness
Against sorcerers,
Against adulterers,
Against perjurers,
Against those who exploit wage earners and widows and orphans,
And against those who turn away an alien—
Because they do not fear Me,”
Says the LORD of hosts.
6 “ For I am the LORD, I do not change;
Therefore you are not consumed, O sons of Jacob.
7 Yet from the days of your fathers
You have gone away from My ordinances
And have not kept them.
Return to Me, and I will return to you,”
Says the LORD of hosts.

“ But you said,

‘ In what way shall we return?’

Struggles with resentments

In recent weeks I have discovered myself having GOD work in my life with issues of resentment.



A while back, I was convicted to work on forgiveness in my life. This was dealing with situations where I felt I had been wronged and harmed. Although I still have work to do in this area I know that I have made great strides.



Then in the midst of giving myself a pat on the back for this progress...



GOD brought to my attention another area of resentment and forgiveness that HE wants me to deal with.



There are certain socio/economical groups that are intentionally left without services that other groups are able to receive. For the "poor" social services are available to provide things like housing assistance, medical care, and other financial assistance. Then there are the "rich" who are able to afford services like medical care, housing, and credit for things they cannot immediately afford.



Then there is the "middle class". This economic group is not eligible for the social services that are there for the poor yet they do not have the financial ability to pay for all the stuff that they may need too. I find myself resentful that there are so many services to the "poor". What I find even more aggreviating is that it seems those who refuse to work, who have not worked, who burden the social system with demands for services are rewarded for their inability to do for themselves.

I actually have a heart for the poor and for the needs they have. I know that the social services have a place in our society. I have no problem with the services being used. However... and here is where I find myself with the resentment...

There are those people who not just use the system, but they abuse it. They don't just get the services they need at the time, but they will apply for multipole services and GET THEM!

There was a program in our community called homeless prevention... it was a great program. However the users got in and... funding stopped. Now instead of homeless prevention, the program only pays for actual homelessness. Instead of it being a program that covered even the "moderate" income families, it is now for poverty or below levels now.

So frustrating!

Bad behavior rewarded....

Why?

Choices

This morning I have been contemplating choices~

Not just those big deal choices like where you'll work, who you'll marry~ but some of the little choices we make, more often than not without much thought.

From the moment we wake up in the morning, we are making choices. We chose to open our eyes and climb out of bed, or smack the snooze button and sleep a little longer. We chose to start out the day with prayer or with physical pleasures (coffee and a shower anyone?) And so goes the day, water or coffee? toast and jelly or oatmeal? brown pants or blue pants?

I was thinking how these little choices can impact our day...

Living life with intention...

I want to live my life with intention~ with GOD as the center of all I do. In every choice I make I want to ask myself, does this glorify GOD? Is this choice bringing me into a closer relationship with GOD? Is this choice what GOD wants me to do?

And with that... it is time for me to go and do the work of my LORD and live the life HE wants me to live!

1. Excercise machines that help those "target" areas
2. The sore muscles that tell you that things are getting fit
3. Music~ isn't it just AWESOME!
4. Dancing
5. My husband washing dishes
6. A walk in the park
7. Watching my son ride his trike
8. Listening to my daughter recite her memory verse
9. Reading the bible together at dinner time
10. Having this amazing family~ my husband and children are AMAZING!

2 Timothy 2:23-24
Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful

Psychologist James J. Messina recommends five steps to facing and resolving resentful feelings. (1) Identify the source of the resentful feelings and what it is the person did to evoke these feelings, (2) develop a new way of looking at past, present and future life, including how resentment has affected life and how letting go of resentment can improve the future, (3) write a letter to the source of the resentment, listing offenses and explaining the circumstances, then forgive and let go of the offenses (but do not send the letter), (4) visualize a future without the negative impact of resentment, and (5) if resentful feelings still linger, return to Step 1 and begin again.

Monday Madness

Peace Love and Potatoe Chips this magnificent Monday Morning!

It is a beautiful day ahead~ one filled with a lot of chaos and confusion as I turn out the house and make it home sweet home again! Time for a season change cleaning!

To get this morning started, having a cup of coffee my wonderful husband made and a Peter Pan Peanut Butter and Smuckers Jelly sammich :) A fun way to get the day going! So it is 9am here in my corner of the world and in the next 20 minutes I will be moving furniture to clean under and make a new look to my ordinary life :) Floor to Ceiling, Wall to Wall it is all getting done! Starting in the livingroom!

Sunday Musings

Good Morning Dear Readers~

It is a beautiful day here today but a bit melancholy since my daughter has gone to her Daddy's for the summer. However, the little ones and I will still have tons of fun this summer anyway.

Right now I am making Sunday Morning Breakfast~ bacon, eggs, tater tots, and toast for my family. A good way to start a nice family day. Plans to go fishing and to the park are in the works. I want to go to the store and get Allen a baseball bat that is small enough for him to swing. He is such a goodpitcher, I am hoping we can teach him how to hit the ball too. He loves watching baseball on tv so.....

we will see...

I start at the gym this week~ going to work on firming up the 30 pounds I gained since I quit smoking. Not so intent on losing the weight~ but definately firming it up and getting my flat tummy back. My daughter has been giving me grief since I can't fit in her jeans anymore. So really going to work on it.

Elizabeth is doing so good~ got her report card from school and she is just amazing. She needs a little math help but otherwise she is just kicking butt.

Well going to go eat breakfast with my family~ write again soon

Adoptions, Name Changes and other such things...

Termination of Parental Rights... today I begin that process... Terminate Allen's father's rights, free Allen for adoption and get his name change done. It will take about 6 months with the whole process of termination, home study, background check and all that. But somewhere around Allen's 2nd birthday he will legally become my husbands son.

There is a part of me super excited to get the process going~ Allen and David are so close already. Seeing them together you would never guess that David hadn't been there from the day Allen was born. The two of them love eachother so much~ you can just see it.

Then there is the part of me that is sad...

Allen's biological father, despite the sick and twisted things he did in his life, really loved Allen and was there for the child until his incarseration. I know it will grieve his heart that this is happening. Yet, he made choices in his life. He chose to do the things he did that caused him to not be there for his son. So although I am a little saddened that this is happening, I know that it is the right thing to do.

There are times when I still want to just reach out and smack Ron upside the head, knock the stupid out of him, for what he did. He victimized so many innocent people with his actions. Allen is just one of his victims... one of his luckier victims.

So the papers are started, soon we have the first hearing. With any luck, Ron will not fight the termination and that part will go quickly. If he does fight it, it will still happen, it will just take a little longer. Not a big deal if it does, because even if it isn't "legal" David is Allen's Daddy and Ron, for all intents and purposes in Allen's life, is dead.

Now I am off to get things taken care of for my family (summer vacation is almost here! YAY!)

Memorial Day 2010

Today we spent part of the day out at Hobo Camp~ it was a delightful day for kids and grown ups. I took a walk by myself and just enjoyed the back paths, underbrush, and deer paths instead of walking the path...

Today is Memorial Day~ a day set aside to remember the soldiers who faught for our country to keep America the home of the free and the brave. I have been very fortunate in my life, that no family members died in war or conflict to give me the freedoms I enjoy. However there have been some very special men, who gave part of their lives, time out of their families, and some that carry scars from the time they gave. So for each of them~ a little special moment of memory...

JJ, Chuck, Bob S., Karl, Tom, Darrell, Jack, Gene, Clifford, Ben and so many more....

Along with remembering these soldiers, I thought about all the changes this last year....

May 29, 2009~ all innocence my family enjoyed was torn away from us. We learned that night that you cannot trust even the people in your life you love the most. Devistating...

But...

Rebuilding began

Who knew that day that just 9 months and a few days later I would have found someone who I could trust again, someone who would help put my family back together and someone who would love me as much as I love him and takes the time to show it every day!

Memorials and Other stuff

Today was John Joseph Jackalone's Memorial Service~ it was out at Standish Bible Church and through all the tears that were shed, there were also many laughs shared as well as we remembered him. Brother, Husband, Dad, Pop, Uncle, Friend... JJ was an amazing guy.

I could go on for hours and hours, filling page after page with antidotes about my precious Uncle JJ and the joy and sorrow he and I shared over the years. He was so funny, yet could be so serious, his heart of gold that would give you the shirt off his back could be and was broken at the loss of people he loved and the mistakes of those he cared for.

And now, his time on earth is over, he has gone "home" to be with the Lord and his beloved wife and all those he loved who went on before. I am sure he has brought laughter to the heavens with his arrival there. Although we here may miss him, our memories give us instant access to his love and humour...

Uncle JJ was one of the few Christian's that I have met in my life who really touched my heart in a way that encouraged my faith and helped me grow in my faith. You see, he and I would go to the Casino on Tuesday nights and we would talk~ we would go to coffee other times~ and we would talk. Uncle JJ, he really was a Christian. Even if there was someone he didn't like, he still treated them respectfully. He just was so amazing.

Well anyway~ enough gushing... you all get the picture. He will be treasured always and missed until I get to be with him up there in heaven...

O taste and see
That the Lord is good
O taste and see
That the Lord is good
He is good to me

You've turned my mourning
Into dancing
Put off my rags and clothed me with gladness
And I will arise and I will praise you
I'll sing and not be silent

O Lord, My God
I will give thanks to you forever
O Lord, My God
I will give thanks to you

And I'll live only for you
And I'll lift these hands up to you
And I'll dance before you
I will shout it, I will shout it to you

Mother's Day 2010

I am having a wonderful morning so far with my family~ but it is bitter sweet~ I miss my Mom so very much.

Our second set of holidays without her... I hope she knows how much I love her and miss her and think about her...

So I am getting ready to go to church with my family and have a family filled fun day doing whatever it is we decide to do...

Good Morning!

It is an amazing day here in the Sierra Mountains of Northern California! The sun is shining, birds are singing and today is going to be a day full of family and friends gathering and sharing together!

We have softballs, gloves, and bat going with us, fishing poles and bait going with us, lots and lots of food, and there will be a small army of friends and family there too! It's a BBQ! Boy have I ever missed these~ last summer I was missing my Mom so much that gatherings like this just took to miuch energy. This year I am refreshed and know it is time to get out there and DO THINGS!

This is my husbands first experience with me being excited about getting out and doing things :) poor man. Lucky for me he is amazing and easy going enough to just go with the flow and let me be manic! I still stop, take a deep breath and thank God for bringing my husband to me. Who knew there was someone that perfect for me out there?

Once upon a time, I just knew that Ron was my soul mate, the person I should be with, the one for me... He had all these characteristics that I just adored and wanted in my life. I ignored the negative things about him. Pretended they didn't exist. Every now and then, they would refuse to be ignored and that is when I would shut the door on a relationship with him. He was a master manipulator tho... and he would reel me back in.

In September 2008, I knew it was over. But I was pregnant... and so I allowed him in my life despite my desire to not have him around. He made tons of promises, told me how he loved me and wanted to be with me, and on and on... yet all the while he was living with his wife. I would fall for it for a short time and then get my feet back and tell him off. This went on until May 2009.

When he was arrested...

God intervened~ He put on the wife's heart the conviction to turn Ron in even though there was a part of her that didn't want to. She withheld the information she had for a time because she was stuck in a place in her relationship with him that prevented her from doing anything beyond protecting her relationship with him. I hate to have to admit it, but I was in the same place with him. Although I had seperated emotionally to some degree, I made excuses for his bad behavior and ignored things that should have been BIG RED FLAGS.

That night, May 29th 2009, I was set free from this man. Emotionally and physically.

That left the door open for God to bring my husband into my life...

And now... we are on our way to have a funderfull day together!

What a Day!

Our day started bright and early when my husband woke me up at the crack of dawn to "chat"... he has this habit of waking up VERY early in the morning and since he can't sleep he wakes me up. It is one of the things I adore about him~ he really does want to keep the lines of communication open at all times, even at dark thirty in the morning.

He and I talked for a bit~ it was a wonderful start to the day. He got up and went and bought us StarBucks YAY! (Have I mentioned my husband is like totally awesome?) We sat with the kids watching cartoons and drinking StarBucks until time to head to the Children's Fair.

Ah yes, the Children's Fair~ for those of you who are unfamilare~ in Lassen County every year for, dang A LONG TIME (20 years or so I think?) there is this thing at the loccal fair grounds called the Children's Fair. It is a low cost/no cost day of activity and fun for young children. Really a good family type day.

So David drove us down to the fairgrounds and then went and got my friend Jen and her son to join us. Jen's son, Jason, is 9 and according to Elizabeth my future son-in-law. She is going to marry him when she is 25, or so she is telling us. Once Jen and Jason were there, we were off... took the kids around to all the different activities... they had fun, we all got some sun and then...

BASEBALLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crossroads Ministries vs. Lassen County NA... what a fun game! David played 3rd base and all the guys (and 1 girl) who played for Crossroads put their hearts into the game and WE WON!!! Took a gazzallion pictures and will have them on my website soon~ everyone take care, may God Bless you and Keep you as HE has my family!

Missionary? Me?

A rather interesting thing has come to pass... my family and I may be going on a mission...

My wonderful husband was invited to join a crew of men who are going to help rebuild Haiti. While the men work, there is a need for the millions made homeless by the January Earthquake to receive services that most of us take for granted. Medical Care, Child Care, Schools, Churches and housing. The children and I would be helping with the day to day things the Haitian people need.

I am excited about this prospect~ It is in God's hands and HE will make the final decision if we go or not. There are many logistics to work out if we are indeed going to do this. I am not sure how it is all going to come together, however I do know that it is going to be exciting as we get things moving~

Safe ~ Phil Wickham

Life Changing Love

Most of us are born to a family that loves us~ however dysfunctional the family of origin might be we tend to know they love us. (There are some exceptions and that is for another post) As we grow up, we meet people who we love and love us and these people, like our family, touch our lives and their love changes us.

Today I am saying good-bye to one of the most AMAZING and loving men that ever touched my life. John Joseph Jackalone born October 8, 1946 is going to be with the Lord today...

Uncle JJ~ he and Aunt Sherron came into my life and both filled it with so much love and joy it is hard to imagine it all... Over the years we shared laughs, special moments, and even tears. These two people were more than family~ and my life has been changed because of the love they shared with me.

As much as I have missed Aunt Sherron and know that I am going to miss Uncle JJ~ my heart swells with joy because I know these two amazing people are with the Lord~ they will be walking together down the streets of heaven, arguing and fussing at eachother and sharing their love with everyone else in heaven. I know that they are safe in the arms of GOD~ our GOD who knows the ultimate love for people and he has wrapped my beloved Uncle JJ in his love.

It is a time of change in my life... the adults who guided me, mentored me, were there for me have passed on now~ I am left with GOD as my guide... yet HE has sent some folks to help me along this path...

My amazing husband~ a man who is a strong Christain and who loves me and is teaching me about love between a husband and wife that I never knew could exist. After all my failed relationships, it astounds me how this man can love me the way he does and how he walks beside me in this relationship...

Along with my husband there is a small group of women who also are here to love me, walk with me, and help me along in this wonderful life...

GOD has truly blessed my life with life changing love...

Better Place

this last week has been stressful and had me feeling just a little overwhelmed...

I have had to readjust my way of thinking about certain things. I am not sure what the future will hold, however i know that my future holds the constant change and growth in the way I look at people, places and things and that the change and growth is all part of my life process.

From my husband this week, I learned what it means to really be commited to the relationship. We had a very rough patch and I tossed in the towel... he held out and kept trying when I was being nothing but a bitch. Today I happy to report that we are going to stay married and neither of us are giving up on the vows we made.

I also learned that the daughter I have living in my home has few of the values that I would want her to have. I can see how the limited time she and i had together the previous 7 years has had a impact on things for shaping who she is.

I am trying to deal with this child who is so different in the way she views the world, in the way she interacts with people in the world, and how she perceives things in relationship to herself. She has developed a lot of her father's narcistic tendencies and black and white thinking. It is frustrating for me to hear her either hate or love people. She has no understanding yet of loving someone independently from their actions. She is clueless about unconditional love.

I only have 3 years 5 months to share with her about these things. I hope and pray that i am able to teach her by example and by my words more about what unconditional love really is and how you can love someone and not like what they do. Teach her how you can be there for the people you love without giving up who you are, your values, yourself. It is so important that she learn these things.

Well I better get to sleep~ have things to get done in the morning so i can't laze about!

I am not in a good place

I have a knack for just fucking up my life...

Right now, at this moment, I am depressed, lonely hurt, angry, overwhelmed and ready to just crawl in a hole and cover myself up.

I know there is something in me that attracts all this drama and chaos. I wish I knew what it was so I could make it go away...

I am tired.

March 23, 2010 - SACRAMENTO, CA—United States Attorney Benjamin B. Wagner announced today that Senior United States District Judge Frank C. Damrell Jr. sentenced RONALD EUGENE BERNAL, 48, of Susanville, today to 15 years in federal prison followed by 20 years of supervised release for producing and possessing visual depictions of minors engaged in sexually explicit conduct. BERNAL is required to pay just over $63,000 in restitution to his victim and to register as a sex offender as provided under state and federal laws.This case was the product of an investigation by special agents from the Sacramento Office of the FBI and the Lassen County Sheriff’s Department.

well....

I made a HUGE mistake getting married. He is physically and verbally abusive. I feel so totally stupid for believing that he was some kind of wonderful... I have no decent filter for gauging men. The men I attract to my life only hurt me and my children.

I dont know what to do...

Never date again? Give up all hope of having a partner in my life? Right now it seems the only option to keep my children safe. Anything else puts my babies at risk...

Men suck... I am so hurt and dissilusioned and just... uggg

Good Morning! My wedding is tomorrow! I am so excited and so happy and WOW! This is just so amazing! I know that I am going to spend the rest of my life with David~ I know this marriage is blessed by GOD. Dave and I are really trying to do this the right way and according to GOD's word.

Some of it has been very easy to do, some has been a little harder, but I do believe he and I have been true to what we know GOD wants us to do. I cannot even begin to tell you how my heart swells when I am with him. He is such an amazing blessing inmy life.

A friend of mine use to lecture me, telling me that if a person did not enhance your life, if they brought you down, you had dark feelings because they are in your life, etc that it was probably not a person you needed to associate with.

Well... today I finally know what she meant...

Previous relationships I would find myself having to defend the person I was with, defend behaviors because the person was not behaving appropriately, feeling depressed because of the persons actions, feeling depressed because of my own actions trying ot keep the relationship...

With David, there is no actions to defend, he presents himself just as he is and so I am not caught trying to justify the relationship. He truly is a enhancement to my life in so many ways. His faith and belief in GOD, it helps me to stay in my relationship with GOD. Certainly having a companion who has the same focus is a huge deal. Since David and I both have our focus on GOD, it is amazing...

Ecclesiasties 4 talks about how two are stringer than one. In Ecclesiasies 4;12 it says that although one can be overpowered, two can stand together and resist and then it says a 3 fold cord is not broken. That 3rd cord is GOD. So when 2 are together with GOD... it is a great and strong thing. That is what my marriage is going to be.

My children are part of all this and the two little ones adore David. The other day, my heart broke a little and was also filled with joy at the same time. Allen had fallen and was hurt, so I was holding him, comforting him when David came up to us. Allen reached for Dave and snuggled down into his arms and stopped crying. There was that part of me that had my feelings hurt, that someone else could comfort MY baby~ at the same time I was filled with joy that my son accepted Dave like that and has the bond with him to be comforted by him.

Elizabeth is introducing Dave as her Step Dad (no Daddy this time) she seems to be in a good place as far as their relationship goes. She let him know she had a Daddy and that she loves her Daddy and Dave was welcome to be part of her life but he wasn't her Daddy. It was cute to listen to her talk that day. She is still questioning his authority over her. She isn't sure how much of a "boss" he is so she pushes the boundries.

My daughter, she is a little more reluctant to accept him. She still hopes and dreams that Mom and Dad will get back together and be there together for her. Intellectually she knows it will never be, but her heart still hopes. Her life has been so difficult and my heart aches for all the pain I allowed and caused in her life. while I cannot change the past, I can work on a better future.

One the bright side, Katie has gone from calling him a rather rude name when talking about him or introducing him to others to a place where she is more accepting of him and that he is going to be part of our lives. In fact this morning she made an indication that she thinks he might be around a long time when she said that he might help her buy a car when the time comes... While it is only a year and a half, for a young teen that is a life time and to me indicates she is accepting him in our lives.

Well I better go get a shower and get this day moving~ lots to do on this wedding eve!

My baby girl made this for Dave and I for Valentines day~ she is such an amazing little girl!

Valentine's and Other Matters of the Heart

Life has been AMAZING and WONDERFUL and I am SO in love with the most WONDERFUL man in the world! God has blessed my life in ways I never could have imagined! I am in awe at just how wonderful this man is. I know there are some character defects, he is after all human, but boy oh boy is he perfect for me!

We have a wedding date~ we have a church~ we have a Preacher~ I have a dress~ Wow oh wow it is all coming together!And God has had HIS hand in it all... There is no way I could have planned this so quickly without the help of God. HE has blessed us with creating stepping stones to each place HE wants us to be to make our wedding one that is special for us and GLORIFIES HIM.

I think too, that God is blessing us because we are staying true and not being sexually active with eachother until we are married. I know it sounds wierd... ME? Not being sexually active with a man I am going to marry? I admit it was my Love's idea. He has such a strong faith and is true to what he believes in. So when he said it, I was in agreement with him. Now I know it was such a wonderful way for the two of us to begin our marriage. It will indeed be very special.

My wedding dress is white~ now many people will believe it a mockery for me to wear white~ but I believe that as I stand before GOD and our friends and family to pledge myself to this man, as long as we both shall live, that I am eligible to wear white. First and foremost my Love for him is pure, we have not fornicated, and GOD has blessed this union, brought us together, and will direct our steps as we go through our life together as husband and wife.

I am ever so grateful that I have David in my life and I am ever so grateful that I am going to spend the rest of my days with him.