My Amazing Life

I am sitting here tonight, in awe of the wonders GOD does in our lives. The music and words to Michael W. Smith's song keeps going through my mind...

Our God(our God) is an awesome God

He reigns from heaven above

With wisdom with wisdom pow'r and love

our God is an awesome God

As I sit here tonight, I am so full of the love God has given me in my life... My family is so amazing. God has given me a well of LOVE to refill my spirit in. Through HIM, He has given me my family and what an amazing well of love they are.

I had an opportunity to talk to a friend earlier~ we talked about family and how they really are a gift from GOD. Friends too. I told her, I really am at a loss for words to truly explain just how touched by GOD I feel right now.

It is as if all the hell I have been through this last year has been to bring me here to this place in time and make me the happiest I have ever been in my life...

Happy in a way that is beyond words... All the effort I put into happy thoughts, as I was talking to my friend today... I realized something. Thinking happy thoughts is important, GOD tells us to take every thought capative and to meditate on the good things... So certainly it is right to think the positive happy thoughts. I know I will keep doing that~ but this happiness that I am feeling right now... it is as if GOD has just reached down and touched me, wrapped me in HIS arms, and is taking care of me, loving me, and creating the perfect life for me... it may not be perfect for other people... but for me it is perfect.

Life is good right now. In fact as I was talking with my friend, I was telling her that there were a couple of things going on in my life that I feel like I should be anxious about... yet... oddly I am at peace with those things. I am not feeling any anxiety. Just a peace and happiness.

My life is amazing~ I truly believe that all the negative things that have happened in the last year, all those things that were meant to hurt me, that could have brought me to the end of my rope... they just made me stronger, made my walk with GOD stronger, brought me to this place where I am... a place that is really just comfortable and have me feeling as if all is good...

A weel ago today, I bumped into my son's father's wife... I really just wanted to tell the woman to leave me and my family alone. I held my tounge because her daughter was standing there and I would never do anything to harm that child. The woman asked to touch my son... I let her. My older son then came along and broke up the little encounter.

As I walked away from the encounter, I made two very definate discoveries... GOD spoke to me through that still small voice...

First I became aware that this woman has no problem using other people to reach her own goals. I have told her time after time to leave me and my family alone. I have been straight forward and blunt about it. I have nothing to say to her and want nothing to do with her. Yet, even with this knowledge, she used the fact that her daughter was there to get close to my son.

She is a user of people...

She may have a relationship with GOD. I actually do not doubt at all that she does. However, she is still bound by the flesh. The message I got from the Holy Spirit was to avoid this person. She is not a person that I can allow to be part of my life. I wondered if perhaps I was projecting how I feel onto what I was hearing... so I went to GOD in prayer to ask for something to show me...

It came to me through the most unusual way... I was sitting on my porch when a neighbor stopped by on his way to the garbage cans... He said Hi, I said Hi, he then asked if my little guy was Goober's baby. I said that yeah he was. He told me that I needed to be careful because his exact words "That kook of a wife of his is going to make your life miserable. She is telling everyone that you lied about who the baby's daddy is. She is friggin crazy that you had that baby."

My answer was simple, I want nothing to do with either of them. As far as I am concerned my son has only one father and that isn't the man who donated his sperm. So then he said why am I talking to him...

WHAT????

It was at that point that I realized the Holy Spirit was speaking to me when I heard not to allow that woman to be part of my life.

I have not spoken to that man AT ALL since the morning of his arrest. When he left my house that morning, it was the last time I spoke to him. I have not talked to him on the phone, I have not written him, I have not sent messages to him, nothing... Everyone who knows me knows how I feel and so the only place that a rumor like that would come from is the psycho wife...

Not having any relationship with either of them really is direction from GOD and I know that I must listen to HIM and not have anything to do with them.

I am a little sad about it, since to keep either of them out of my life it means that their daughter will also have to be kept out of my life. She will miss the connection with her baby brother. But then, perhaps GOD has a reason for this. That child has a lot to deal with in her life. Perhaps being faced with a relationship with her brother (and with me because of his age) would be more than she can handle at this point in her life.

All of this goes back to the feelings of happiness I am having... It is because when all that happened last week, I released, truly released any feelings like I needed to do more in the forgiveness process towards these two. I am not hanging on to resentment, I do not wish either of them harm... I just want absolutely NOTHING to do with them.

Getting to that point~ removing from my thoughts the idea that I wasn't doing what GOD wanted~ knowing that I am in agreement with what GOD wants for me right now~ it was at that moment that I found this new happiness...

Jesus's yolk is so much lighter than the one I was lugging around...

Our God(our God) is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom with wisdom pow'r and love
our God is an awesome God