I have had a very stress filled couple of days with the baby having the flu. I was so worried about him. Luckily this afternoon he is showing signs of improvement. He isn't 100% just yet, still has the sniffles and a cough, but he has some energy, has been playing a bit and seems to be doing so much better.

We'll see as evening comes if he gets sicker with night fall or stays about the same as he is now. That will tell me how close to over this we really are.

He has needed to be held almost the entire time the last 3 days or he is fussing and crying. It has limited what I could do around the house significantly. Although I am pretty adept at getting things done with him in my arms, now that he is 22 pounds it is getting a little harder to do things and hold him.

It was rather interesting, as I sat holding him this morning, thinking of needing to wash dishes, I remembered something my little mans sperm donor said to me way back when Allen was just a few weeks old. He told me then that I needed to let him just lay down without me holding him once in a while~ I told him basically to kiss off, that I was holding him as much as I could as often as I could. I did say it a little nicer at the time but you know what I mean...

The random thought of how lucky I am, that my son is totally comforted just by my holding him came about. That man wanted me to not hold the baby so much, for whatever reason he had, I ignored hiom and now... I have an independent little guy who loves to play and do on his own but also who is comforted best by Mommy's arms.

It is pretty cool~ God knows what He is doing. Even when we are horribly confused at what is going on around us, to us, He KNOWS and it is all working out exactly the way it needs to.

The bestest thing I came to realize while my little guy has been sick~ although I have wanted a partner to share my life with and prayed for it~ I have the most magnificent partner in the world! I have GOD! He is there to comfort me when I need it, Hold me UP when I am exhausted, give me direction when I am not sure which way to go, He is always there, never lets me down, and why do I need an earthly man when I got GOD?

So as I sat whatching my Allen play with his little car on the floor, I realized that Allen doesn't need a "man" to be his father/daddy. Especially considering the sperm donor he has and the evil he would learn from him... Allen has a father... a Father in Heaven...

It is rather interesting because my Elizabeth tells everyone she has 3 daddy's~ she has her Belly Button Daddy~ he is very special to her, then she has her brother's sperm donor that she calls "daddy" and finally she has God. She includes God always as her daddy. I can remember back when that came about...

She was just about 3 years old~ she wanted a Daddy. She had a list~ her "new" daddy had to love fishing, camping, trucks and motorcycles. He also had to be nice and not spank her and only make her stand in the corner if she were bad. And finally he had to tuck her into bed at night and hear her prayers. (I should have listened to her list and compared it to Goober. I would have ran the other direction since he couldn't/wouldn't do any of the things she wanted other than liking trucks.)

Anyway~ that was her list. So I told her that she should talk to God about it. Take her list to Him and tell him what she wanted because it really was God's decision. It got us into a discussion about God, yes when she was only 3. We talked about how God is the Father over ALL of us. We talked about the things He does that are like a father on earth does.

Elizabeth decided that God was a great Father to have and she was OK with that, but she still wanted one here on earth to do all the stuff like fishing and riding motorcycles with her and tucking her in bed at night.

I got to thinking... all those things she wanted a Daddy for... I can do. I DO! I have done with/for her. And for the few things that a man is really needed for, I have plenty of male friends who can step in and help out. Same goes for Allen...

It is stupid to sit here now and think of all the hours I sat wondering WHY I couldn't meet a man that would be just right for me and the kids... because I don't need one... all I need is my faith in GOD and trusting Him.